Friday, July 28, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 005 - The Evil Zlake


I felt like a refugee, desperately trying to breach the borders to the land of milk and honey. I was a thousand miles from home, with nowhere to dock my ship. I was a nomad and was now in a desperate situation.

I felt like Dorothy from the movie The wizard of Oz. I had travelled so far along the yellow brick road that my ship's inertial stabilisers had developed blisters.

I was weary and tired and after gaining brains, heart and courage, had finally reached the Emerald City, only to be turned away at the gates.

I felt like sleeping. Perhaps it was the sweet smell of the Hedbergite asteroid fields that had been poisoned by Harvey and George (or perhaps by Emilio) to stop outsiders gaining entry to the city.

I decided I had no choice but to press on, perhaps to another corner of nowhere. I called up my map and crossed my shaking fingers.

After studying the celestial chart for a while, I noticed a very peculiar feature. A system in the Branch region connected with a far-off system, via an exceedingly long jump:

Perhaps this was the secret tunnel to utopia. A wormhole that led to the land of King Midas, where the streets were paved with gold, and a n00b like me could live forevermore in luxury and wanton abandon. I set sail for the promised land immediately.

Some time later I arrived in the system UEJX-G. I was truly now at the end of the universe. My overview showed a station named after a book by Douglas Adams from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series, entitled "Mostly Harmless".

Being a fan of Douglas Adams, I was hopeful that I was now among friends and I eagerly set my course to the docking perimeter.

To my horror I received the same message I had been given at the previous station. I had once more been denied entry to the Emerald City. At this point, a person called "Lemmy" in local said "lol at alt n00b".

I was quite sure that he was referring to me and so I decided to seize the initiative:

"I can't seem to dock here" - I said into Local.

"You need to be in an alliance. This is D2 territory" - he replied.

(I quietly wondered to myself if I would ever breach the inner sanctum of these mighty ducks. I was a solo pilot who could not gain entry without being in an alliance. How could I solve this perplexing conundrum?)

"Wait there until I get my ship and come out and pod you" - shouted an intimidating player called "Zlake".

I decided that I would bravely make a stand, since running away would probably result in my death anyway.

"OK, you can come out and pod me. I have to go 22 jumps to get back home anyway so you can save me the trip, you'll be helping me out" - I brashly lied into the chat-box.

Within seconds he had called my bluff and I was being shot at and was frantically attempting to make my escape:

I fled like I had never fled before, to a random asteroid field. To my astonishment and utter amazement I realised I had indeed reached the secret gardens of the emerald city.

Everywhere I looked, there were asteroids of the like that I had never laid my eyes on before, in my short n00b life.

I stood amazed, like a 19th century egyptian explorer, standing before the uncovered tomb of Tuthmoses II in the valley of the kings, gold and silver treasure glistening all around me.

It was then that I glimpsed the holy grail and my jaw hit the floor of my shuttle:

My journey had taken me to the far reaches of the galaxy and now I had stood before the fabled ore Mercoxit. Suddenly, I remembered that I was still being hunted by the evil Zlake and my time was running out.....

(to be continued....)


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