Friday, July 28, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 008 - Complex Numbers

DAY FIVE (CONT 2)

Astonishingly, not a single one of these seven heretics expressed even the slightest modicum of alarm at my bold and brash insult. Perhaps these were war-hardened veterans who had spent their childhoods slaving away in the scordite mines of empire space.

Or even worse, perhaps they were afk....

Clearly, this required a stronger plan so I decided to use the most deadly weapon available to a man in a shuttle. I was going to drop the verbal nuclear bomb. I had no other choice but to make a direct derogatory remark that I knew would fill them with hatred towards me.....

I slowly opened my quivering mouth, and uttered the ultimate blasphemy:



As you can see, local erupted in a fit of rage. I was targetted by not one, not two, but an astonishing THREE PILOTS, who were clearly incensed and enraged members of Emilio's inner guard.

I knew that my podding was imminent and I smiled as I awaited the hail of rail-gun fire to strike me down at any second. However, "any second" soon addded an "m" and an "s" and became "many seconds". I began to become slightly suspicious.

My overview looked like this:



As of yet, I had not been fired upon. I also noted the two frozen corpses dangling beside the combat drones, hanging ominously in space, almost as if they had been deliberately placed there as a stark warning.....



I zoomed out to see my ship at a distance. What on earth could be happening?



It would appear that, intriguingly, I had been fired at, but not by a gun. Someone was firing a Stasis Webifier at me. I was being "webbered"....... I quickly looked at my console and saw that my speed had dropped by approximately 85%.



Great, so not only was I not being podded, I was also being held hostage by someone who deemed it necessary to correct my mathematical estimations. Well, I decided that I would counter his smarmy remark with some mathematics of my own. Another webber was fired at me and I grabbed the opportunity:



To my abject horror and disdain at my own sloppiness, I realised that I had made a critical miscalculation. I had not been slowed by 86.25% squared at all. The correct figure was:

0.8625 + ( ( 1-0.8625 ) x 0.8625 )

It was an understandable oversight, given the tense situation at hand.....

However, I was furiously embarrassed and decided to rapidly divert attention from this numerical blunder by rubbing salt into the wounds I had opened, and reminding my docile captors that I had, only moments ago, insulted their boss:



Note that I had ingeniously, and subtly, planted the idea in their minds that my death was "imminent".

Then at last, finally, nothing happened........

Then, (in the words of the immortal Douglas Adams): after a few minutes more, nothing continued to happen.......

It was at this point that I observed the shocking design of the main ship in their fleet:



I couldn't help but notice that this vessel bore a striking resemblance to an erect genital organ....

Could this get any more embararassing? I was being "attacked" by a giant schlong. The thought briefly passed my mind that maybe I had discovered the first prototype MGRL (Minmatar Gay Rights League) "deep space cruiser"...

(to be continued...)

8 Comments:

Blogger INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE said...

If you have an eve related website and would like to be linked from this blog then feel free to say so.

6:22 pm  
Anonymous Compos Mentis said...

awesome story mate, keep it going... :)

11:05 am  
Anonymous Maddzy said...

hehe best entry so far :D

9:27 pm  
Blogger Verlan said...

I'm hooked! :-)

9:09 pm  
Anonymous fisty said...

your my hero...
i quit eve a while back... though i cant give up on such funny reads

keep em coming

2:26 am  
Anonymous Job Mannix said...

This blog is the funniest shit ever! I'm hooked. I can't wait to finish the rest of your entries.

7:50 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's obviously a Brutix-class battlecruiser.
Explain to me in what way it is reminiscent of an erect penis?
I mean, a Thorax or an Armageddon I can understand... or even an Iteron... but a Brutix???

12:30 am  
Blogger Timo Komi said...

I hate Emilio Estevez! Lol

8:36 am  

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