Saturday, August 19, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 028 - Celebrity Doubles (Part 2)

Celebrity Doubles (Part 2)

My evil attacker continued to destroy my little shuttle, despite my desperate plea of "1 sec" in Local. He was clearly a mean and violent soul, tortured by years of sorrowful conflict. He mercilessly finished me off and I now found myself sitting in my pod.

Luckily, I was able to quickly warp away and to make a safespot between two asteroid belts. Some of his friends then entered the system and I noticed that they were all members of "Dirty Deeds". At that moment I could not think of a more appropriate name. I had been personally invited here as an exalted guest, and had now become the victim of a dirty deed indeed.

I suspected that a nefarious plot was brewing against me, so I decided to contact Commander Damion to see if he had been involved in this nasty ambush. He was very apologetic and promised to send an immediate armed escort to valiantly usher me the final 7 jumps. I took a moment to explore some of the more unusual stations listed on the map, whilst I awaited the arrival of my bodyguards:

Some time later, my attackers had moved on and I found myself shielded by an 8-strong armed escort of great military prowess. These were experienced pilots who displayed vast knowledge of tactical maneuvering and I couldn't help but wonder if they were about to discover that I was not the glittering celebrity they thought I was.

As they diligently marched me through the next 7 systems and showered me with adoring questions and compliments, I started to get a taste for the lifestyle of the rich and famous and I suddenly found myself wanting to demand caviar and vol-au-vents. I could feel a celebrity hissy-fit building inside me when I was told that I would have to manually click each gate in order to jump through. I was far too famous to be clicking gates and was extremely annoyed by this horrid necessity of manual work.

A short while later, I was escorted through the main town square in AZN-D2, taking a moment to signify my approval of the shining gold statue of NOOTMARE and I then proceeded to dock at "Trevor's Love Shack" and to take a luxury bubble bath of ylang ylang, jasmin and sea salts.

I inhaled the exotic fumes deeply, as strawberry beeswax candles melted seductively adjacent to my oversized bath and rose petals modestly covered my privates. My thoughts lazily drifted into sweet nothings of melodious joy....

An even greater sense of astonishment overcame me when Damion informed me that ASCN had arranged a military fly-by of capital ships, to mark my arrival in their citadel. I could barely begin to imagine such a wondrous event and was informed that the parade would begin whenever I was ready to undock. I dried myself in a luxury Egyptian camel-hair towel and prepared to take my place as guest of honour at the airshow.

By now I had become so embroiled in the whole lifestyle that there was no way I could ever stop myself from indulging. I munched on some Cote D'Azur grapes that were being hand-fed to me by several busty ASCN slave-girls and I sat back and enjoyed being showered with compliments and gifts while the flashes from the paparazzi lit up the night sky:

Various ships, a set of 5 implants, lots of mods and other miscellaneous items were thrust into my hands as my wallet continually blinked with money being thrown at me by INNUMINATE's adoring fans.

I hoped that my imposterdom would never be revealed, and as the hero-worship escalated I wondered if a high-ranking ASCN official was about to offer to polish my helmet......

I relaxed in my pod, sipping Moet & Chandon and flicking through the pages of vogue, and almost fainted out of awe and wonder as the stunning military fly-by of immense capital ships began......

(to be continued.....)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

have they shown you how they mine veld in them?

6:39 pm  
Anonymous Major Stormer said...


and you lucky bastard! :)

6:50 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'd think ASCN had something better to do

6:55 pm  
Anonymous Major Stomer said...

who has to do what now? :D

6:58 pm  
Anonymous TrippyX said...


cool story m8, keep it up!

7:31 pm  
Blogger Daz said...

That's so cool!

11:36 pm  
Anonymous Alisha Retaris (ASCN Member) said...

Welcome to Feyth INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE May Your stay be profitable and entertaining. Dont forget to tip the exotic dancers ;)

4:28 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

love it! I wonder how many hits your page gets?

9:43 am  

This is an outrage!! I'm calling my agent!!!!

4:16 pm  
Anonymous Alpine 69 (Axiom Empire member) said...

INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE, thanks for all the great reads, and welcome to the south, make sure you come and visit axiom empire space aswell!

(i got some hot pizzas in the oven and exotic dancers in my hangar)

8:36 pm  

**Gasp** INNUMINATE appears to have returned from his business trip......

9:16 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL... great fun mate! I hope you enjoy your stay in the Ascendancy!

2:31 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is great. Thanks for putting the time and effort into this.

3:21 pm  
Blogger Timo Komi said...

I could feel a celebrity hissy-fit building inside me when I was told that I would have to manually click each gate in order to jump through. I was far too famous to be clicking gates and was extremely annoyed by this horrid necessity of manual work.

LOL, I so agree mate

11:09 am  

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