The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 023 - Walk Like An Egyptian

Walk Like An Egyptian

I sat for a while in my wondrous new home in the Great Wildlands of New South Wales and studied the inhabitants of this strange area. It seemed to me that this was far too popular a place for 0.0, compared to the mostly desolate systems I had been to in the north.

I concluded that the bible bashers, the ice hockey players and the French vixens ruled over a much smaller populace than in the Australia of EVE. This was a vibrant, cosmopolitan place and I intended to have some "bonzer" fun during my time out here.


I turned my map upside down and took a moment to study it:




After tying my kangaroo down, sport was on my mind. I relaxed for a while and listened to the mesmerising didgeridoo music, as I downed my can of "Castlemaine XXXX".

In the event that I needed to upgrade my ship to a battlecruiser, I was hoping not to meet any Australians with special educational needs, because I knew that dyslexic Aussies:


Couldn't give a Ferox for anything else...


No sooner had I begun to survey my new surroundings when a trade box suddenly appeared on my screen and a rotting corpse was violently thrown at me by a pilot who appeared to be a Russian with excellent sight:



In that moment of utter terror, I clicked accept and became the proud owner of ANDY336's decaying remains. Yet again, I wondered how another poor unfortunate soul had met his grisly end. It seemed to me that there was a great deal of death in the EVE universe.

Despite my furious demands in Local to discover the curious reason for this "deadly assault", my necrotic assailant remained suspiciously silent.

"So this is how outsiders are welcomed to the south" - I thought to myself, as I wondered if I would awake the next morning to find a burning cross on my lawn, or if indeed I would awake at all.......

I noted that my assailant was a member of the immortal truth and I took this to be a gentle warning that if I knocked, the door would not be opened unto me. However, biblical texts had been very clear that "one who seeks, does indeed find".

I therefore decided that I would infiltrate their mystery organisation anyway, in hopes of having the great secret of life revealed to me in a cataclysmic epiphany of joy. Perhaps the dead body had been thrown at me as part of a carefully constructed initiation ceremony, to see if I was made of stronger stuff and would persevere in my noble pursuit of knowledge.

Having been a student of the great secret societies of the ages, I knew that the path of wisdom could be traced far back into history, through many occult organisations, such as the Freemasons, the Ordo Templi Orientis, the Rosicrucians of the 17th century, the Knights Templar of the 13th century, the secret gatherings of Eleusinia, and yet even further back to the ancient Egyptian mystery schools of several thousand years ago.

If these people truly were the beholders of the immortal truth then there would be an Egyptian connection somewhere.


It was then that I saw this:



"Anubis | Ra" - Member of "Nun Amun"


After falling off my chair and damaging the cheap metal plates on the floor of my shuttle, I walked like an Egyptian as I hobbled back to my seat.


I wanted in on the secret.


I wondered if the stargates around here could be aligned using a computer program that mystically moved the symbols on the outer ring, causing them to arrange themselves into the code that unlocked the holy portal to the domain of the eternal Gods. Or failing that, I would settle for the almighty summoning of a giant intergalactic pizza. My stomach was growling relentlessly.

I gasped in terror as I was suddenly contacted by the most unexpected organisation...


(to be continued.....)