The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 025- The Ultimate Sacrifice
Upon undocking from the station, I swiftly flew to a planet and then created a bookmark in deadspace. The number of people in Local had now dropped drastically and I wondered if the bloodshed had ended.
My trusty spy informed me that he couldn't inform me what was happening. I thanked him for this invaulable information and warped to a gate. Luckily, it appeared to be clear of other pilots, so I decided to take the opportunity to make an insta from the gate, back to the station.
As I warped back in, just 15km from the station that I had, only moments ago, undocked from in my shuttle, I was ruthlessly, savagely and demoralisingly set upon by the most carnivorous bunch of lupine hounds I have ever had the misfortune of having encountered.
Naturally, I immediately warped away out of utter disgust at this clearly pointless action. They had seen me undock, so what was the purpose of killing me as I tried to redock at the very same place?
Well I mangaed to escape back to my point in deadspace and I decided that I would not let them murder me in cold blood.
I would rather heroically commit suicide than to die in such a pointless manner.
Having now issued this damning threat, I had no choice but to carry it out in the most severe and direct manner. I clicked the self destruct button on my ship and was disappointed to discover that it would take 120 eternally-long seconds to dispatch myself with a hearty pop.
It was then that it dawned on me that it would be another 120 seconds for the pod.
I had to wait 4 minutes just to kick my own bucket. Was this some kind of cruel joke? Since I had now decided that I was going to detonate myself into oblivion, I figured it wouldn't harm to ask my attackers if I could speed the process up a little.
Astonishingly, they were more than willing to provide me with helpful advice, designed to expediate my sorry demise:
After being presented with the infallible logical argument that I shouldn't be worrying about someone stealing my 9k shuttle since I was about to destroy it anyway, I decided that I would not even give them the slightest chance of taking my vessel and I violently initiated the self-destruct sequence a few seconds before then ejecting from my craft.
The result was quite spectacular and brought a tear to my eye:
I felt like a noble warrior of an age long gone by, who would sacrifice himself for a greater cause, without once flinching or erring from his steady and righteous path.
I knew that I had the upper hand over these incessant cowards who relentlessly attack n00bs in their shuttles, for no reason other than sport. I then announced to Local that I would imminently go through with the ultimate conclusion to my stunning self-euthanasia:
120 seconds later and I was back in the station, purchasing a new clone. I had defeated them and I sat back and rejoiced in my victory. Never had the sound of my pod going squish sounded so damn pleasing. I smiled relentlessly and munched on some bush-tucker.
I then entered into a conversation with a pilot called Avitar, who very kindly informed me that he had some spare ships. There were no condors for sale anywhere in this region, so it was quite fortunate (and somewhat suspicious) that Avitar was able to provide me with the following:
I concluded that Condors were like buses: You wait ages for one and then 16 all turn up at once.
As nightfall arrived, I plotted a course to a mystery station that I had been told was the ultimate shopping Mecca of the south.....
(to be continued......)