Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 019 - Casualties Of War (Part 2)

Casualties Of War (Part 2)

I stood there, amid an almighty bloodbath, and in that one fleeting moment, I had felt invincible. I was like a young Clark Kent, awakening to the realisation that deep inside there was a Superman, just waiting for his chance to shine.

I felt like an immortal amongst men and as I surveyed the battlefield that I had just conquered, I knew that I would never again live in fear of gate-camps.

I decided that I would take advantage of this very pleasant and extremely unusual lack of my own death by informing the combatants that I was going to grab a cup of tea and would watch the gritty conflict from a safe distance.....

Perhaps this was a surprising (and some would argue very cheeky) thing to say considering that I had no idea who these people were, and bodies were being mercilessly blown to pieces all around me. Nonetheless, I felt untouchable at that moment and I wanted to take full advantage of it.

Besides, tea must always take precedence over war....

Astonishingly, these brave warriors were more than happy to accomodate my voyeuristic suggestion and they politely ushered me out of the bloody warzone, to take my place as a neutral observer.

I began to feel that these were noble fighters who held the concepts of honour and justice aloft like a blazing torch in a desert of despair. I still didn't know who they were, but I had decided that I liked them.

I was instructed to warp to a safe position, so I quickly went to a random asteroid field and then set a bookmark in deadspace and stayed there while I made my tea...

A few minutes later I had returned with my hot beverage and I wanted to get a closer look at the bloody fighting. Some of the soldiers suggested that I move to the maximum "warp-in-able" distance away, which was 100km. They also added that 200km would be much more preferable.....

I did indeed warp to 100km and found myself being promptly shot at. An almighty surge of adrenalin rushed through my veins and I quickly escaped back to my safespot.

I noted that some of the fifty pilots were from Eastern Europe and while these gallant mercenaries were unloading turret after turret of razor-sharp shrapnel at the enemy, I eagerly interrupted them, to urgently inform them of the following:

I was confident that I was putting up a good front at "playing it cool" by showing this batallion that I was entirely unrattled by the gruesome realities of war. I did so by having an entirely pointless and random discussion about a friend who lives in Yugoslavia, in order to hide the fact I was having serious bowel-control issues at the mayhem and carnage that was taking place around me...

I wanted to learn more about why this war was occurring, so I asked the squadron of valiant soldiers for additional information.

I was helpfully informed that they were engaged in a bitter conflict with an enemy that was fond of dairy products, was often prone to accept defeat easily and was a distant cousin of the human race:

Naturally I was confused by this shocking revelation and I attempted to move in for a closer look at the raging hostilities. My plan was to warp to 100km from the gate and then to manually fly out to around 200km, thus ensuring my safety.

This was the result:

A few seconds later, I awoke once more in Venal, having become an accidental casualty of war. I couldn't help but feel like Bill Murray in that classic movie "Groundhog Day".

My Evemail was flashing and I could see that I had received a top-secret message from one of the soldiers on the battlefield. A great sense of excitement overcame me as I began to read the shocking contents...

(to be continued.....)


Anonymous Maddzy said...

OMG what did it say!?!?!?

9:16 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes tell us! Also as a fellow EVE noob this is great, keep going =D

9:38 pm  
Anonymous dsi1 said...

Aw man thats evil tell us!!!

10:22 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It said: "You shouldn't have said that about Emilio Estaves!"

10:27 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damnit boy you 'ave me on the edge of my seat.!!!!!111

5:26 am  
Blogger The Sheriff said...

Just wanted to tell u that a Dusk and Dawn station (in xzh) has been named after your "discovery" in google
-Emilio's Flat-

Your freind
The Devil

8:38 am  

LOL, Now I'm gonna have to go there at some point to check it out!

8:47 am  
Anonymous Potty said...

Should have stayed around a bit longer, the fights in d7 massed to 200 ships a side, latre that night. It would have been a nice sight for you, if it ever loaded.

10:05 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Need to throw some google ads on this thing... make some REAL money ($0.01 at time!) off this story.

8:03 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Station in XZH has been renamed by rise 2 days ago.

Sym Pathie ;o)

1:37 pm  
Anonymous dsi1 said...

Why are you waiting so long to post the next one I must know what it said!!!

4:29 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the hilariousest thing I ever read!!!

7:47 am  

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