The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 011 - Holy Mafia
DAY SIX (CONT 2)
The ore I was staring at was a poor man's Mercoxit and General Gunel and I both knew it. It was only our mutual embarrassment that kept us from admitting the fact.
However, the General then tantalisingly infomed me that apparently this "Faux Mercoxit" could be refined into large quantities of the very valuable mineral Zydrine, which could then be sold for a fortune.
Perhaps there was a shimmering pot of gold at the end of this rainbow after all. It would appear that another path to riches had willingly opened itself to me and I intended to use this information to my advantage.
At this point I noticed that my Evemail button was flashing and I curiously opened it to see who had contacted me. I was overcome by a strange and ominous feeling of impending danger. Who could it be?
I opened my mail and almost fell to the floor in shock. I had apparently been contacted by what seemed to be his royal holiness himself. One of the head honchos of the Christians had personally sent me an evemail, curiously entitled "Aloha Traveller".
Perhaps he was on a sacred religious retreat to Hawaii IV - Moon IX - Shamefully Bright Beach Shirt Assembly Plant
This is what it said:
Well, when I read this, I heard "small gift" in the same way that a junior member of the mafia hears "small gift" while at the same time being told to go and decapitate someone. This was certainly no small gift.
Pope Maltrox had outrageously deposited a bribe of ten million isk into my account. Clearly this was a futile attempt to force my hand.
I knew that true Christians would never use church funds for bribery purposes and it was abundantly obvious to me that he was passing me a brown paper envelope stuffed with wads of cash to stop me exposing his subversive religious organisation. I therefore decided that swift and prompt action was required.
I saw two alternatives open to me:
1) Send this blood money back to the fundamentalist zealots from whom it came.
2) Keep it and use it to buy a small munitions dump, to use against these ravaging bible-thumpers.
I considered these options for some time but didn't really like either. I wasn't quite ready to start an almighty holy war. It was then that I hit upon a third intriguing option:
3) Put the funds aside and vow to use this tainted money in a spontaneous charitable act at some point in future.
I liked it. It meant that the money would go to good causes and would help benefit others. Perhaps they would be players like me, who had also been warmed by kind acts.
It was settled: At some point in the near future, a random n00b in need would receive a crinkled brown paper envelope, stuffed with lashings of moolah. I was pleased with this decision.
So I decided that a strategically "firm but fair" reply was in order and I fired off an evemail to his "holiness":
Having done this, I now called up the market and began to scour the local bazaars for a worthy vessel to set sail in. I had trained Caldari Frigate up to Level 3 and was now able to fly any ship in that class.
It was time to get out of this cramped but cosy shuttle and to begin my ascent to the stars.
(to be continued........)
The ore I was staring at was a poor man's Mercoxit and General Gunel and I both knew it. It was only our mutual embarrassment that kept us from admitting the fact.
However, the General then tantalisingly infomed me that apparently this "Faux Mercoxit" could be refined into large quantities of the very valuable mineral Zydrine, which could then be sold for a fortune.
Perhaps there was a shimmering pot of gold at the end of this rainbow after all. It would appear that another path to riches had willingly opened itself to me and I intended to use this information to my advantage.
At this point I noticed that my Evemail button was flashing and I curiously opened it to see who had contacted me. I was overcome by a strange and ominous feeling of impending danger. Who could it be?
I opened my mail and almost fell to the floor in shock. I had apparently been contacted by what seemed to be his royal holiness himself. One of the head honchos of the Christians had personally sent me an evemail, curiously entitled "Aloha Traveller".
Perhaps he was on a sacred religious retreat to Hawaii IV - Moon IX - Shamefully Bright Beach Shirt Assembly Plant
This is what it said:
Well, when I read this, I heard "small gift" in the same way that a junior member of the mafia hears "small gift" while at the same time being told to go and decapitate someone. This was certainly no small gift.
Pope Maltrox had outrageously deposited a bribe of ten million isk into my account. Clearly this was a futile attempt to force my hand.
I knew that true Christians would never use church funds for bribery purposes and it was abundantly obvious to me that he was passing me a brown paper envelope stuffed with wads of cash to stop me exposing his subversive religious organisation. I therefore decided that swift and prompt action was required.
I saw two alternatives open to me:
1) Send this blood money back to the fundamentalist zealots from whom it came.
2) Keep it and use it to buy a small munitions dump, to use against these ravaging bible-thumpers.
I considered these options for some time but didn't really like either. I wasn't quite ready to start an almighty holy war. It was then that I hit upon a third intriguing option:
3) Put the funds aside and vow to use this tainted money in a spontaneous charitable act at some point in future.
I liked it. It meant that the money would go to good causes and would help benefit others. Perhaps they would be players like me, who had also been warmed by kind acts.
It was settled: At some point in the near future, a random n00b in need would receive a crinkled brown paper envelope, stuffed with lashings of moolah. I was pleased with this decision.
So I decided that a strategically "firm but fair" reply was in order and I fired off an evemail to his "holiness":
Having done this, I now called up the market and began to scour the local bazaars for a worthy vessel to set sail in. I had trained Caldari Frigate up to Level 3 and was now able to fly any ship in that class.
It was time to get out of this cramped but cosy shuttle and to begin my ascent to the stars.
(to be continued........)
posted by 0.0 Experiment at 1:54 am
19 Comments:
Great read. You made it to my bookmark toolbar :P
Dear NIGHTMARE,
Thanks for the great laughs-I am truly looking forward every day to a new installment!
--
Please note that you lost "post 001" on the right hand side menu bar.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Fantastic read mate, can't wait for the next instalment, i'm hooked! Keep it up :D
Great read, keep em coming.
As for arrow, as long as you haven't seen the purple monkeys, it hasn't gotten that weird :)
Just so you know, I am from Hawaii, and I have been to the shamefully bright beach shirt shop. I even own a couple.
Nefrin
love it, keep it coming!
Excellent excellent stuff, very good writing style and very funny. Really brings back what it was like to be new and doing dangerous, strange stuff. . .
This is genious. Period.
I am very sorry to say this, because I was apalled and astounded by your great bravery and wit, but I despise the fact that you accepted the dirty bribe money from those dirty double-morale fundamentalists. I say you throw those money back in to their faces, for no money can wash away past crimes, only real repentance and good deeds can do that.
Hey, really good read. I dont get where it's bribery money though unless im really missing something fundamental here.
Dave, this story is also being published as a thread on the official Eve Online Forums.
It is a bribe by them to keep me from exposing their fervent religious activities, for all to see on the official forums.....
INNOMINATE
Love what you have written so far, might head back to EvE after being gone for awhile.
Great stuff!
I'll make sure too check this page each day :)
OMG lmao
Keep it up :)
Great read.
I might even visit you at your home station someday :)
BTW: I think you should try to fly around eve-universe. Make a circle surrounding the whole empire and return to your home station in the end :)
I am having so much fun reading your blog ^_^ Well written! <3
This comment has been removed by the author.
it's been 11 years, how did it all end?
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