Friday, August 04, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 014 - Francophobia

DAY SIX (CONT 5)

Beelzebub informed me that, to my utter surprise, he was a "D2 Squadron Commander", was "free for the rest of the evening" and was "available to escort me" wherever I wanted to go.

Naturally, I was extremely suspicious......

I was reminded of "The Wishmaster" series of movies and also of the film Bedazzled. Was I to find that everything I asked for had a hidden subversive twist and started to backfire on me, plunging me deeper and deeper into an uncontrollable spiral of desperation?

A gang invitation window appeared on my screen and as I was about to click it I noticed that in the small print it stated that I "may be entering into a declaration of war against a party or parties unknown" and that "this may have serious consequences".

So there I stood, with the devil at my side, offering me an armed escort to anywhere I desired, and all I needed to do was to sign a contract, to declare war on parties unknown (obviously God) and to relinquish my soul....

Although the three French beauties had now left the system, an image was conjured up in my mind of them seductively standing in the background, uttering soft and melodious vowels that are entirely unpronouncable in the English language.

"Oueeeee", "Aiooooo", "Euuuuuu" - they sang, the rancid smell of onions and garlic being ejected from their dainty mouths, like a group of voluptuous sirens from ancient greek mythology, eagerly luring and tempting passing sailors with their feminine wiles. If only I could cover my ears. (and nose)

Did I really want to enter into a damning infernal pact? Well, naturally I did the only sensible thing:

I clicked accept......

As soon as I had committed myself, the dark overlord of the underworld revealed a whopping great secret to me:



I could see the pieces to this hazy jigsaw gradually beginning to intertwine, interleave and interlock...... Interesting.......

In addition to my acquisition of a Kestrel, I had also now purchased a Condor, which was a mere 5 jumps away from K3JR-J. I informed Mr. Pentagram that I would like to be escorted to this system, to proudly pick up my new vessel.

I was expecting my "horny" new friend to look at me menacingly and to say: "Do you wish it?"

During the course of the next six hundred and two seconds, I was instructed in the advanced military art of "how to move in 0.0". This was a valuable crash course in war-time logistical maneuvering and went something like this:



The general idea behind this cunning plan was that I would wait at the gate and Lou would jump through it. If, after 10 seconds or so, he had not had his brains blown out, then it would be safe to assume that the coast was clear....

I was reminded of clueless presidential guards with low IQs, who had crazily sworn to give their lives in order to protect their leader at any cost. If necessary they would take that bullet and would pay the ultimate price. I magnanimously decided that this arrangement was fine by me...

Lou's method of troop movement appeared to be very effective and a short time later I had safely docked where my shiny new Condor awaited me. I thanked him for his dark and fiery time and began to plan my next thrilling move. I had been feeling restless and wanted to randomly explore more of the Eve universe. It was time to head off in a heart-stoppingly exciting new direction.

Which way should I go? You decide.......

CAST YOUR VOTE NOW AT THE TOP OF THIS PAGE

5 Comments:

Anonymous Lungorthin said...

Interactivity ?
Interesting concept. :)

[Lungorthin BNC.E]

8:56 am  
Anonymous d0sage said...

I tell you...i awake and this blog is the most exceptional read of my day!

Keep up the adventure, because you remind me of what eve is all about! =)

3:24 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you tell us what region you are currently in so we may vote knowing where you are headed?

9:14 pm  
Blogger Clockwerks said...

He is in the Venal region as far as I can tell.

9:37 pm  
Blogger Timo Komi said...

Oueeeee", "Aiooooo", "Euuuuuu" - they sang, the rancid smell of onions and garlic being ejected from their dainty mouths, like a group of voluptuous sirens from ancient greek mythology, eagerly luring and tempting passing sailors with their feminine wiles. If only I could cover my ears. (and nose)

Rofl

9:28 am  

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