Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 031 - As Cold As Ice

As Cold As Ice

The next day, after having spent the night receiving deep back massages by promiscuous ASCN commanders in the luxurious Love Shack, I encountered a voluptuous minx of a pilot who went by the entirely unexpected name of "Helen":

I was somewhat surprised at the simplicity of her name and I imagined that, if she were a telephone number or a car license plate, she would surely sell for a truly enormous amount of isk.

I found Helen to be a very friendly and helpful person, who offered to show me around the neighbourhood in a dazzling fashion. I took her up on this kind offer, and some 16 jumps later we arrived at a "Confederation Of Red Moon" station, at the bottom of the universe:

Naturally, I felt obliged to ask the following:

After being greeted by the drugged up residents, Helen asked if I would like to visit a "complex" in order to trounce and pummel some vicious battleships in a truly humiliating manner.

Naturally, I was thrilled at the propsect of this wanton destruction and quickly got into an appropriate vessel to help in the valiant fight.

I took my shuttle......

Upon arriving at the complex, I was informed that this was a "7/10 Zone", where nasty Angel Cartel vessels were rampantly destroying all who dared to enter their foreboding domain.

For the next half an hour or so, as a group of five pilots, we flew around the complex obliterating all who dared walk in our path.

My wallet continually blinked with my share of the bounties and at the end of it Helen split the proceeds of the big loot equally between the remaining three pilots.

This included 13th tier, 15th tier and 16th tier overseer's effects and in total I had made around 30 million isk for about an hour's work. This was my first taste of the wealth that awaits a pilot in 0.0.

I was informed that the first section of the complex re-spawns every 45 minutes, which means that vast fortunes await those with the firepower to defeat it.

It was then, as I was heading home from the complex, that I suffered a vicious and brutal assault, at the hands of a rampant ASCN pilot called Fortior.

I felt a cold shiver run up and down my spine as I was hit. I froze with terror as the weapon struck me down and I wondered if my icy death was yet again imminent.

A frigid sense of danger overcame me and I suddenly felt like the last remaining soldier on an almighty wintry battlefield, surrounded by the dead bodies of his squadron, plagued with memories of bitter conflict, and knowing that the end was nigh.

I then noticed that, miraculously, my ship was suspiciously not taking any damage. At that moment, I saw that I had, in fact, not been struck by a deadly long range cruise missile, but had been the target of something entirely different:

I had been viciously assaulted by none other than a massive intergalactic snowball and now felt extremely embarrassed at the utter sense of terror that I had been overcome with. It was a very good prank and I made sure to congratulate my attacker heartily.

I had very much enjoyed my time with ASCN thus far, but I couldn't help but feel too comfortable here. The local pilots had been very nice to me and I had not been shot at in ages. However, it was for this very reason that I was feeling like an MP3 player sitting on the round table at the court of King Arthur:

I felt extremely out of place.

It was then that a dazzling thought struck me........

(to be continued...)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love it! go on, what will he do next!!! whatever the fuck he wants!!

9:58 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh for f*** sakes what? What thought...tell us damn you!!!! We want more!

1:37 am  
Anonymous Fraszoid said...

Thats just mean, leaving us hanging like that. This stuff is great fun to read, keep it up.

2:06 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you ever end up back in Curse - look up IFC.

Good luck- fly safe and fight hard!

Kell VanEyck

2:28 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What you going to do with all your isk man.

Great read by the way

2:37 am  

One and a half usages of the F word so far in these comments.

Stop fucking swearing.......

4:52 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

go to omist reigon. lots of aussies there :D

5:33 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

U are my hero, you just like my alt who is 1 year old and all she does is go into an shuttle and runs around EvE seeing whats around and exploring but not like you poor old Voodoo Princess as been killed so many times....

If you come to omist looks like you are going to go by-pass a entire region.... but you follow where ur shuttle nose go....


12:22 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay... That MP3 player joke just made me laugh out loud. Excellent.

12:33 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Helen is an old friend and corp mate of mine :)

4:36 pm  

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