Friday, August 25, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 032 - Would The Real INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE Please Stand Up?

Would The Real INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE Please Stand Up?

In the history of online gaming, no single activity has captivated the imaginations of so many people, in such a direct and awe-inspiringly, earth-shatteringly, gut-twistingly, stomach-churningly, nerve-wrackingly, heart-wrenchingly, andrenalin-inducingly, blisteringly, excitingly, tantalisingly, stunningly, shockingly, dazzlingly, sparklingly, glitteringly mesmerising manner than the activity that popped into my mind as a fleeting thought at that moment in time.....

I had heard stories that EVE was famous in the MMO world for one thing and one thing alone. It was an activity that seperated the men from the boys. It was this particular pursuit that placed this game in the highest possible category of greatness.

It was this single facet of the entire EVE experience that thousands of amazed people flocked from all over the world to experience first-hand and to forever have their online gaming experience changed for the better.

I am, of course, talking about this:

I had decided that it was time to find out just how much a n00b can make by mining in 0.0 in the most basic n00b frigate (the bantam), with just two miner 1 lasers and the mining skill on level 1.

I set off and selected an appropriate ore (crimson arkonor) and proceeded to mine 256 m3 at a time, flying back to the station after each load and dodging angel battleship spawns whilst mining, and switching belts where necessary to avoid a nasty and harrowing death.

It took just under 90 minutes for me to mine the required 200 units and I then refined the ore at 71% efficiency at the local station K-9UG4. The station also took a 10% tithe, for the pleasure of providing the service.

After this, I then sold the minerals to region-wide buy orders in the station I was at and my total profit from the expedition was 1,080,000 isk.

I imagined that this was a damn sight more than I would have got by mining Veldspar in 1.0 security space under the same conditions. It served to be a useful exercise because it hinted at the possible riches yet to come.

I then noticed that I had received an extremely intriguing communication of the weirdest order:

I began to wonder if my time was finally up. I had been living the life of a king down here in the south and now my very worst fears had been realised.

I felt like a cast member of the movie "The Exorcist" and I was becoming more and more terrified with each passing second, as I wondered if the curse would reach me too, and strike me down so early in my career.

I followed the link and almost fainted out of abject shock when I witnessed the abomination that was this:

I decided to cast this harrowing scene asunder and to concentrate on more sensible activities. However, a few minutes later, I found myself performing a player search for INNUMINATE to discover what he really looked like.

I had been impersonating him for several days now and couldn't resist the urge to look. I now wish I had never given in to this temptation, because when I did finally perform the character search, I ended up making this truly shocking discovery of the highest magnitude:

As I sat there, looking at me, myself, darth vader and my father, I could have sworn I heard Eminem prancing around in the back of my mind, and rapping the immortal words: "Would the real INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE please stand up?"

I decided that drastic action was called for and I immediately set about putting a cunning plan into effect.........

(to be continued.....)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hunt them down and kill them all - Mhuhahahahahahahaha

12:11 pm  
Anonymous hoozin said...

tbh, I'm just surprised that one of them isn't me.

5:31 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We all knew that some noobs gonna try and clone his name and reap the rewards

3:47 am  
Anonymous Goulart said...

man, please, writte a book! lol
love your blog

12:21 pm  
Anonymous Wokrred said...

You should see about taking what you have so far and get it put in E-on

3:21 pm  
Anonymous the boobie said...

You should come to bob space we embrace noobs with open arms!

8:42 pm  

Hoozin, have you also been making illicit copies of me? This is an outrage........

10:24 pm  
Anonymous Gurgeh said...

I've jsut gone to 0.0 space myself, and having a ball!

1:42 am  
Anonymous dsi1 said...

We need more!!!

3:18 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


No more updates? What am I going to read when arriving at work and there is no more 0.0 Experiment?

8:17 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was hilarious! I mean, it's just OMGRAWR!!!

12:42 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait a minute your hatted picture says you are still in your newb corp.

3:00 pm  

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