The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 033 - The Female Of The Species

The Female Of The Species

To take my mind off of the troubling problem of having a phalanx of doppelgangers rampantly prowling the mean streets of EVE, I decided that it was time to look for some romance.

I had heard many stories of people falling in love in MMOs, and indeed had even encountered stories of luxurious in-game weddings, so I was confident that there would be someone out there for me too, just waiting to declare their unbridled love for me.

I decided that since my hosts still believed I was famous, I would set my sights high and would attempt to procure a stunning celebrity girlfriend.

I considered this one:



However, I decided against this because I did not find the prospect of being Michael Douglas' "sloppy seconds" very appealing.

The thought of engaging in a loving act of the oral kind, only to horrifically pull out a pair of dentures from Catherine's lady-garden was too much for me...

I concluded that a hipper, sexier, much more trendy celebrity would definitely be more appropriate:



This girl certainly had potential and she definitely knew how to handle herself. I found her to be a very formidable woman and recorded a note in my journal to indicate my potential interest in this relentless slayer of vampires.

It was then, that for an entirely inexplicable reason, I was contacted by a woman who was just waiting to declare her unbridled love for me. Being familiar with the inverse-attraction laws of courting I decided that since she was the one coming on to me, I would play it cool and give the impression I was hard to get:



At this point, she was clearly distraught and decided to reveal to me that she was vastly wealthy. I was liking this situation more and more and decided to make a vague sexual innuendo to add to the excitement of the occasion:



She then closed the window and sent me an evemail, telling me to get back in touch when I was able to pay her more attention. We exchanged a few more evemails, during which I discovered she was a married woman.

I was excited by the prospect of an illicit liaison with an unavailable consort and I was very surprised when she informed me that her husband permitted her to engage in outrageous internet-based flirtation of the highest order.


Missy contacted me again and we engaged in another thrilling conversation:




I sat there, pondering this unusual proposition, and at that moment I was just far too embarrassed to admit that I was unfamiliar with the mechanics of zero-gravity copulation.

Just as I was about to make an excuse I received a huge blast from the past, when a chat-request box appeared on my screen, from none other than the very first person I had ever spoken to at the beginning of my adventure:



I had always wondered what exactly it was that Jackamo wanted all that time ago, and now I had the opportunity to find out.


I decided to delicately probe for more information:




Jackamo was clearly being ambiguous and we both continued to laugh nervously for some time, whilst Missy was shamelessly and desperately throwing herself upon me to attract my attention in the other chat box.

I found myself becoming very confused and was not sure which one of these two hot suitors I should go for.

Missy's large assets were definitely appealing to me but the lure of a forbidden rendezvous at the hands of a thruster-powered heavy assault vessel was also strangely alluring...


What was I to do?


(to be continued...)