Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 066 - A Tale Of Two Cities (Part 1)

A Tale Of Two Cities (Part 1)

- It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of alcoholism...

After having been terrified by a ravaging troupe of carebear killers, I decided that it was time to boogie unrestrictedly and to have some wholesome and sinful fun.

As I studiously studied my map, I recalled that when I was at the love shack for the launch of the Titan, I had previously met a lunatic who went by the name of "Jim Lovell", who was one of the big cheeses of an alliance called the "Interstellar Alcohol Conglomerate".

Jim had invited me to his home in the Catch region for a drink, and had informed me that his station was set to joyously dispense a bottle of wine to everyone who docked.

I decided to take him up on his wonderful invitation:

After docking and moving my clone to their headquarters, which were appropriately named "The Distillery", it became starkly apparent that the name of this group was not a joke, and that in their frequent drunken binges they often destroyed their own ships, inspired by the worst alcoholic of all:

Their leader...

Despite being peeved by the fact that the station had not dispensed a bottle of wine to me yet, I tried not to laugh at hearing this sorrowful tale of the loss of a 1 billion isk ship that blew up on an asteroid, and I decided that I would try to help these poor pilots along the road to recovery by steering the conversation away from alcohol.

My plan did not go very well:

Like an open wound, the atmosphere was infectious, and I found myself getting dragged into the merriment. I knew that resistance was highly likely to be futile.

As if to prove the theory that when people are drunk they are generous, a whole assortment of trade boxes appeared on my screen and I was showered with a bizarre collection of inappropriate gifts:


A short time later, and as the drinks freely flowed around the bar, drunken pilots began to challenge each other to insane duels, and I rapidly found myself standing in the middle of an absolutely hilarious and truly bizarre fight, of the likes I had never seen in my entire adventure:


I continued to stare goggle-eyed at this lunacy that was taking place outside the station, as ships swooned and swayed under the feeble control of pilots who were in a daze and stupor, with wildly glazed-over eyes, and I found myself thoroughly enjoying it!

These were by far one of the most fun groups of players I had ever encountered, and after another few drinks I began to wonder if it was myself or them who had lost the plot:

As I staggered around in my pod, I decided to inject a modicum of decorum into the situation and took the opportunity to enquire as to what it was that their alliance actually did in the game.

I was relieved to get a sensible answer:

Having now been given a great understanding of the underlying mechanics of how they operated, I decided that if I couldn't beat them, then I may as well have fun joining them.

I ended up spending the rest of the night getting absolutely plastered.

Some time later, and in the early hours of the morning, I staggered to my feet, to see a very sexy looking ship hovering nearby:


I passed out once again, and a few hours later I found myself being awoken by several "smashed" pilots who informed me that they loved me, and who then invited me to join an intoxicated group of 12 frigates, in order to drunkenly raid an unsuspecting alliance in a nearby city...

Unfortunately, I said yes...

(to be continued...)


Anonymous Sheerborn said...

My favourite post yet! I love it!

9:18 pm  
Anonymous coren skyus said...

Indeed, great read Innomiate - keep up the good work!

Was it me, or did I STILL not see any alcoholic drinks in your trade window? How rude! :)


9:31 pm  

Coren, can you go and pod sheerborn for me?

Sheerborn made a very rude comment on the comments section of my carebear story.....

9:48 pm  
Anonymous Rasitiln said...

Hi innominate Nightmare glad to see your still having fun. Maybe Ill run in to you some time Yarrr!

10:29 pm  

Ah, the mad monk!

Nice to see you again. I still have some of those items up north in Venal.

12:26 am  
Anonymous Bunnyslayer said...

Enjoying the read. Keep it up.

1:22 am  
Blogger Curt said...

Haha! I made it in!!

Zzzzzooooooom whoooooooosh pew pew pew!!

(Norock BTW)

2:50 am  
Anonymous Kia Lotus said...

Dear sheerborn

You suck at posting comments. You were on a great roll before; providing timely insults and forcing poor inno to type faster until he got RSI. But lately you have lost momentum. "My favourite post yet! I love it!" WTF?

7:03 am  
Anonymous Ket Halpak said...

nice blueprints, are they originals? if so, you could make a fortune by manufacturing them and selling them in 0.0.

7:07 am  
Anonymous dsi1 said...

To tell you the truth I think the name of your adventure should be changed from 'experiment' to 'adventure' all the help from people wouldn't happen to a normal newb venturing through 0.0.

7:47 am  
Anonymous Rilder said...

LOL that post was awesome.. dam i gotta bribe my corps leader to get into that alliance

9:05 am  
Anonymous Akuma Gouki said...


-Mr. Diagonal Fireballs

11:29 am  

Kia, Nice RSI comment there.

Always good to have a reporter on your side.

I think Sheerborn is turning to the good side.

Ket, They are blueprint copies with limited numbers of runs.

4:04 pm  
Anonymous coren skyus said...

Innomiate, I will see what I can do - just say the word. Hey Sheerborn, whers't thy call home? hehe

I will have to agree with dsi1 though... your experiment has moved to an adventure since IPO offering.

I took it upon myself ;) to conclude that it IS possible to make it in 0.0 for a n00b, you just have to make the right connections and have a witty sense of humor.


9:34 pm  
Anonymous Sheerborn said...

I'm most displeased with your current lack of progress.

9:58 pm  

Excellent, Sheerborn!

My next post is being deliberately delayed for your benefit. :)

It will be up in an hour or so...

10:21 pm  

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