Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 089 - Opposing Forces (Part 3)

Opposing Forces (Part 3)

A little while later, I entered into a sparkling conversation with a Dark & Light pilot named "Temper", with whom I eagerly discussed the thrilling BoB vs ASCN war in more detail than the invisible paintings of a molecular nanoartist:

Like a man lifting his duvet and finding a glowing golden question mark etched into his bed-sheets, I wondered if I had discovered a puzzling clue to the underlying fabric of events in this universe...

I had always enjoyed a good conspiracy theory, and as I sat there on my grassy knoll, forcefully giving myself a freemasonic handshake, I wondered if any more secrets of the universe would stylishly reveal themselves to me in an unadulterated blaze of cheese.

Temper also found himself being dragged into the conspiracy:

Perhaps all of this division and war throughout EVE was a clever illusion, designed to hoodwink the masses into complicit acceptance of the overfiends who ruled them by stealth, slowly sucking their individuality from their consciousness, and advancing their nefarious plans for eternal world domination with each and every ominous passing second....

I then made an earth-shattering discovery:

I had discovered what no other EVE pilot had ever realised, and what the loyal members of the alliance "orchestra of siblings" would never ever know:

Their leader spends his evenings refining lumps of scordite...

Not entirely dissimilarly to a woman grappling with a roast potato fresh out of the oven, I decided that this information was just far too hot to handle, and I quite sensibly decided to bury the truth in true conspiratorial fashion: by openly hiding it in full public view...

The conversation stayed with the "overlords" topic, but moved from the south to the north, when I was surprisingly asked if I still hated the low-budget comedy veteran Emilio Estevez:

Perhaps after I had explored BoB space, I would stylishly return to Venal for a trip down memory lane. I recorded a note in my journal to remind myself of my intent to nostalgically revisit Emilio's northern empire.

A little while later, another member of ASCN entered the system and struck up a controversial conversation with me regarding a topic that is dear to the heart of every young adventurer:

N00b ships

I felt like I was standing at the dawning of a new era, for I had unveiled the holy secret of the shining Ibis, for all and sundry to gloriously purvey with astonished eyes, and a warming heart.

Never again would a n00bescent player need to spend so many torturously agonising hours mining veldspar in Jita, when the inclusion of one simple mining drone in their Ibis would multiply their income to previously unsurpassed levels of decadent wealth.

I hoped that n00bkind would be enriched by my discovery.

I was so excited by this revelation that I found myself uncontrollably playing with my left nipple. I am pleased to report that I rapidly stopped myself before anyone in Local noticed my perverse activity...

I quickly covered up my shameful self-stimulation, and entered into a conversation with another D&L pilot, who had once been the subject of a classic song by Eric Clapton:

In fact, the opening verse of this timeless ditty really struck a chord with me, and promptly sent me into a melodic and sentimental analysis of my adventure:

# What'll you do when you get lonely,
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long,
You know it's just your foolish pride. #

At that moment I felt like the Littlest Hobo, and I wondered if one day I would ever settle down at a place that I could call my home...

(to be continued...)


Anonymous dsi1 said...

I found out about the drone thing in my first day of playing.

5:04 pm  

And you kept that info all to yourself?


5:45 pm  
Anonymous Mirasta said...

WTH.. A drone bay, i knew the velator had one but the Ibis... THE IBIS!

Well im so shocked i dont know what more important, the fact that im so shocked that i dident know this or the heart attack with the over whelmeing shock level.

6:10 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you ever decided to settle down, you would be more than welcome to share our little "home in the ether" with Dark and Light.

I am pleased that at least one person in Eve is choosing their own path and treading it joyfully!


6:42 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IBIS OF DOOM (now with drone bay)!!!

7:03 pm  
Anonymous rilariel said...

kudos for the Sir Molle anagram! I do believe I teared up a little while laughing. :D

11:51 pm  
Anonymous Ket Halpak said...

The ibis has a drone bay!?!?!?! WTF? I have flown my fair share of noob ships (podded 1 too many times by ebill piwates) and i have NEVER bothered with the stats of the ibis.

Ibis drones 4tW.

1:18 am  

I always suspected the Ibis was overpowered......

9:04 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But... But... The Velator holds 2 light drones at the same time. It's downright criminal!

Killer Blog, Inno. Keep it up!

1:14 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Y'know, I have it too sometimes innominate. Just out of the blue, I find myself playing with my left nipple. When I notice I quickly stop and peer 'round the room to see if anybody noticed.

It's always my left nipple too, I guess it's cause I'm right handed, and at the same time my right hand would be off attending to more dexterity demanding activities, leaving my left hand cold and lonely with my left nipple, one thing leads to another, you know how it goes.




8:38 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When did you go to Geminate?
I remember you going up to Vale of Silent, but did you have any encoutners in Geminate, and if so, what are the chapter numbers, so I can re-enjoy them,
Thank you so much for your help, Inno.
As always
~one of your delighted readers

11:09 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Theres a voice, keeps on calling me
down the road thats where I'll always be
every stop I make, I make a new friend
Cant stay for long, dont turn around I'll be gone again

Maybe tomorrow I'll wanna settle down,
until tomorrow, i'll just keep moving on

1:42 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two words


7:13 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

CCP will have to add a t2 Ibis.

Keep up the good work. If it wasn't for your blog I would never have returned to Eve.

Danny Morgan

6:42 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

and people still thikn that caldari arent overpowered.


11:56 am  
Anonymous Pilk said...

I am teh famous!


4:12 am  

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