Saturday, November 04, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 082 - Smash And Crash

Smash And Crash

Being in FDZ4-A once more brought a ton of memories flooding back to me. This was the very first station I had ever visited, right at the beginning of my n00bish adventure into the dark wilderness.

Feeling in a reflective and sentimental mood, I decided to contact the woman with whom I once had a provocative and enticing entanglement:

Luckily, a quick search on the internet revealed that my shocking words are now considered to be positive terms amongst ladies who like ladies, and I was relieved that I had not violently offended any women who like like...

Missy appeared not to be annoyed that I had had an affair behind her back, which had caused her to have an affair behind my back, which had resulted in a scandalous and painful relationship breakup.

A little while later, I received a huge blast from the past, when I noticed that a bible bashing minion of the Arrow Project was docked with me:

I had not suffered any of their rampant brainwashing attempts for a long time, and what with there being a distinct lack of psychologists in 0.0, I was concerned that if they managed to get to me, there would be no way to save myself.

I was absolutely terrified that at the hands of these Arrow Project zealots, I could traumatisingly find myself being cornered in a cul-de-sac dead-end system, with the only way out being viciously guarded by the following four people:

Luckily, I was quickly able to put these horrific thoughts out of my mind, when I was abruptly distracted by a buzzing stinger of a pilot who went by the name of Wasp O'Ryan.

Wasp was a member of "Smash Alliance", whom I knew absolutely nothing about. He kindly took the time to explain who they were, and I was able to locate their home systems on my digital cartography mechanism:

Holy Station Stealing, Batman!

Well, being presented with this horrific news, I had no choice but to immediately storm down there to confront them. After all, I was considering the idea of building my own station, and news such as this indicated just how easily they can be lost to murderous attackers of doom, hell-bent on destroying your work...

I eventually arrived at their menacing citadel, and upon quickly making a brave and heroic safespot in a random place in their sickening stolen station system, I was greeted with a ridiculously sarcastic attempt to flush me out and murder me in the usual brutal fashion:

I decided to hold my nerve and to valiantly remain in my hole, out of an act of abject defiance. By this point I was feeling distinctly hunted, and could smell their minions prowling around, eagerly waiting to smash and crash my little shuttle into oblivion.

I resolved that I had no choice but to start talking rapidly, since the fear of my imminent death was now reaching fever pitch. I quickly engaged them in a pointless conversation about their deadly foes, only to find that I had surprisingly accidentally begun an exciting philosophical discussion about the nature of time-travel:

Now whenever someone raises the time travel issue, there is always a smart-alec who decides to ask the age-old question about what happens if you go back in time and kill your father....

Perhaps, despite the extensive smashing, these people just might not be so bad after all. I had enjoyed the temporal mechanics conversation but I couldn't help thinking that their station-stealing past was more worrying than being told you are currently in first place in a "lack-of-worrying contest" to win a trillion isk, but that things could worryingly change at any moment...

(to be continued...)


Anonymous rilariel said...

hmm, I never suspected that smash alliance housed philosophers...

2:26 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The things you do to lure someone out of his safespot.

Have fun


1:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Innom, if I said I wanted to take a screenshot with you, I would be serious. I wouldn't be able to say the same for the rest of my gang though . . .
With the new patch coming out, I've heard that 8 new regions are being opened up to us space travelers. You may consider a culdesac system in one of these new areas?
Good luck to you, and know that I'm ready to defend your citadel (when you finally create it) with tooth, nail, and corpse.

9:44 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nommy I love your adventures but stay away from smash they used an exploit to take the Ratel system I know this because I was there TDE belonged to Ratel until Smash came in and put up POS’s which when that happens the people who own that system are supposed to get a eve mail letting them know someone has done that they never got such a notice stay away from smash they are cheater and exploiters.

11:03 pm  
Anonymous Marcathonas said...


Wow, I got mentioned on innominates weblog!

Having followed your advantages since before I even started EVE, I must say it's an honour to meet a traveller such as you who influenced me start my own low-sec journey as a newbie.

Sadly I got bored of being podded within the first hour, and took up piracy instead.

I'd also like to defend my newfound alliance by saying the poster above is lying, I believe a GM looked into the matter and declared fair play.

Good luck on your journey, and come round again soon! o/

(Incidentally, are shares still available in innominate neutrality?)

4:27 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Holy Station Stealing, Batman!"

Are you a Dave Barry reader by any change Innominate Nightmare?

Will you come back to FDZ sometime? I'm dying to finally meet you so I can scream and rip the clothes off you in a groupie sort of manner.



12:42 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all the GM just gave up because 36 POSes where made and Ratel never got a notice not even a hint and the POSes continued to come in and Ratel never got a eve mail. They cheated no matter how you look at it they used the exploit. The GMs just didn’t care they sad we are aware of this issue but unfortunately there is nothing we can do please stop petitioning or we will ban for spamming. Which to me sounds like it was to much for them to handle so they let them exploit the game

2:33 pm  

Anon, I'm still giving consideration to the whole POS and then outpost idea, and I can't make my mind up about it yet. I fear it being too much to handle.

Marc, yes shares are still available.

Elm, I haven't heard of Dave Barry. Do you recommend him?

3:12 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The reason you made me thinks of him was that expression, since I recently read a colum by Dave Barry called "Holy heatwave, Batman!". It was about a heatwave and about Batman... I was not away that adding "Batman!" after a statement was an actual expression in english.

*takes notes*

I do very much enjoy reading his columns, you can find some here:



5:57 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

away = aware

I suck at typing :(

5:57 pm  
Anonymous B1G DAVE said...

ooo I just moved into that region of space, into tde4 as it happens :P

You should come back up and see us!

10:45 am  

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