The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 080 - Ghetto Bandits

Ghetto Bandits

I left my friend Drakmor to wing it with the other elements of Sylph, and I returned to Unity Station to ponder over the latest developments in my ever-evolving random quest to cluelessly explore the universe.

Like a multi-tasking psychologist, I found myself in two minds about whether to proceed with the whole alliance-building idea, and like a man placing one Kilogram on one side of a pair of scales, and 1000 grams on the other, I concluded that the benefits and disadvantages of the idea seemed to weigh equally against each other.

I eventually had a good sleep at Unity, and awoke the next morning feeling fresher than a mythical water-creature from the bubbling soap lagoons of the planet Lenor.

I resolved to make my final decision on the matter after I had attended an upcoming event in the next week that, like an artist moving his chair slightly to the left, may just help me to get a clearer view and a better perspective on things.

Some time later, and for no apparent reason, I was for the third time in my adventure forcefully thrust into a drinking establishment that was frequented by a boisterously active man who regularly and robustly batted for the other side.



Due to being firmly distracted by this meat-market manhandler who would not be out of place starring in a cheek-clenchingly camp lead role in "Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert", it took me a moment to notice the cunning and inadvertant double-entendre:


Astronomy: Astro Nommy


So there I found myself, perilously close to the meaty chafing leather chaps of a man who, not entirely unlike an equestrian spy, frequently enjoyed sliding into the other team's camp and asking for a brisk leg-up. In fact, I was once again in the presence of this burly gentleman who regularly snoozed after his alarm went off, and often found himself late for work, thus leaving him feeling a little behind...

Apparently, to celebrate the first birthday of the MGRL, BB and his troupe of frock fanciers had launched a colour co-ordinated siege upon a station in the North-West of the map, and had been homophobically defeated by an expressionist alliance who went by the name of "YouWhat".

It must also be added that not entirely dissimilarly to what a large number of olympic gymnasts have received medals for, and to what Backdoor Bandit himself does on most Saturday nights, YouWhat were currently holding a ring:



Unfortunately, it would seem that BB was now destined to forever find himself coming out, only to be spread apart by the potent tip of a rising deadly warhead. I wondered if he had considered asking an energetic and brightly-dressed MGRL colleague to come down there and solve the problem by covering his flank and taking him up the backside of the station, whilst the enemy were distracted by the appearance of his excited member.

Some time later, and after having said goodbye to my uphill-gardener friend, I decided that I would save my trip to the black hole until a later date, and would explore the North-East area of the map instead.

I then passed through low-sec empire and met a savoury woman who forcefully informed me that she wanted me:



It had been some time since I had split up with Missy and Frivolous, and I began to wonder if now was a good moment to join another lonely pod for some hot late-night action in the shimmering starlanes of EVE.

Alyx and I sat together on the graffiti-covered walls outside the community centre in the violent mindflood and nerve-sticks filled ghetto where she lived, and we listened to the depressing sounds of the controversial rapper "50-isk" booming from a stolen stereo system in one of the asteroid belts.




It was then that I was shockingly offered the deal of a lifetime...


(to be continued...)