Monday, October 30, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 080 - Ghetto Bandits

Ghetto Bandits

I left my friend Drakmor to wing it with the other elements of Sylph, and I returned to Unity Station to ponder over the latest developments in my ever-evolving random quest to cluelessly explore the universe.

Like a multi-tasking psychologist, I found myself in two minds about whether to proceed with the whole alliance-building idea, and like a man placing one Kilogram on one side of a pair of scales, and 1000 grams on the other, I concluded that the benefits and disadvantages of the idea seemed to weigh equally against each other.

I eventually had a good sleep at Unity, and awoke the next morning feeling fresher than a mythical water-creature from the bubbling soap lagoons of the planet Lenor.

I resolved to make my final decision on the matter after I had attended an upcoming event in the next week that, like an artist moving his chair slightly to the left, may just help me to get a clearer view and a better perspective on things.

Some time later, and for no apparent reason, I was for the third time in my adventure forcefully thrust into a drinking establishment that was frequented by a boisterously active man who regularly and robustly batted for the other side.



Due to being firmly distracted by this meat-market manhandler who would not be out of place starring in a cheek-clenchingly camp lead role in "Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert", it took me a moment to notice the cunning and inadvertant double-entendre:


Astronomy: Astro Nommy


So there I found myself, perilously close to the meaty chafing leather chaps of a man who, not entirely unlike an equestrian spy, frequently enjoyed sliding into the other team's camp and asking for a brisk leg-up. In fact, I was once again in the presence of this burly gentleman who regularly snoozed after his alarm went off, and often found himself late for work, thus leaving him feeling a little behind...

Apparently, to celebrate the first birthday of the MGRL, BB and his troupe of frock fanciers had launched a colour co-ordinated siege upon a station in the North-West of the map, and had been homophobically defeated by an expressionist alliance who went by the name of "YouWhat".

It must also be added that not entirely dissimilarly to what a large number of olympic gymnasts have received medals for, and to what Backdoor Bandit himself does on most Saturday nights, YouWhat were currently holding a ring:



Unfortunately, it would seem that BB was now destined to forever find himself coming out, only to be spread apart by the potent tip of a rising deadly warhead. I wondered if he had considered asking an energetic and brightly-dressed MGRL colleague to come down there and solve the problem by covering his flank and taking him up the backside of the station, whilst the enemy were distracted by the appearance of his excited member.

Some time later, and after having said goodbye to my uphill-gardener friend, I decided that I would save my trip to the black hole until a later date, and would explore the North-East area of the map instead.

I then passed through low-sec empire and met a savoury woman who forcefully informed me that she wanted me:



It had been some time since I had split up with Missy and Frivolous, and I began to wonder if now was a good moment to join another lonely pod for some hot late-night action in the shimmering starlanes of EVE.

Alyx and I sat together on the graffiti-covered walls outside the community centre in the violent mindflood and nerve-sticks filled ghetto where she lived, and we listened to the depressing sounds of the controversial rapper "50-isk" booming from a stolen stereo system in one of the asteroid belts.




It was then that I was shockingly offered the deal of a lifetime...


(to be continued...)

20 Comments:

Anonymous Ket Halpak said...

lol, always a good read. Take her up on her offer!

11:31 pm  
Anonymous Krav said...

lolol.... I was in a gang that podded BB in f7c. Comical, I wondered why he was there! hahaha
He said "Well that's not very nice" before being sent away, to cloud ring, apparently :)

Fun read!
Krav
P.S. I smell gold digger. Celeb's like yourself gotta be careful around women! Hell, billionaires like yourself gotta be careful around women!

5:12 am  
Anonymous Nate said...

hmmm ok... There is a Jove Corp that opperates in our space it's called Impro. They have stations located in the Forge and many other Regions around EVE. Genolution is another one. As well as X-Sense. You might try talking to a few of their people to figure out how they get in and out of Jove space.

Hope this helps,
-Nate™

7:20 am  
Anonymous Smokey Badger said...

Laughed hard to that one. Keep up the good work :)

1:08 pm  
Blogger INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE said...

Gold Digger, lol.

Hmmm, it's so hard to tell.....

4:58 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"and we listened to the depressing sounds of the controversial rapper "50-isk" booming from a stolen stereo system in one of the asteroid belts."

ROFL

Good one :)

5:08 pm  
Anonymous Helplessandlost said...

Careful, some women might not be all they appear to be!

5:16 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually saw a character named 50-isk flying around Jita a few months back. Only wish I had thought of that one.

Oh, and I agreee, I'm thinking she's a gold-digger.

6:10 pm  
Blogger INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE said...

Just did a search on 50-isk.

Apparently he does indeed already exist, and is extremely ebil:

http://www.battleclinic.com/eve_online

/pk/view.php?type=player&name=50%20Isk

6:54 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous Pedant said...

Shouldn't it be 0.50-ISK?

11:05 pm  
Anonymous Guy Thoreau said...

touche

12:11 am  
Anonymous Rilariel said...

wow. that last post hurt a lot. remind me to never read such things after 7 nighttime hours staring at the monitor.

hey Inno, what times do you usually log on? you never seem to be on when I check...

3:47 am  
Blogger INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE said...

Since EVE is down for 24 hours, I shall robustly address the controversial issue of 50-isk:

There are two types of defined unit of currency:

A) Smallest Named Unit
B) Smallest Tradable Unit

In EVE the smallest named unit is the ISK, and the smallest tradable unit is one hundredth of an isk.

In the United States, the smallest named unit is the cent, and the smallest tradable unit in every day life is the cent.

Thus, the rapper who calls himself 50-cent is fifty of the smallest tradable unit, and is also fifty of the smallest named unit, since they are the same.

Now to apply this to a ficticious rapper in EVE, one must make a choice between either using the smallest named unit or the smallest tradable unit, since they are different.

Thus, the choices are:

A) Fifty ISK

B) Fifty one-hundredths of an ISK

Each of these options is equally valid. The choice therefore comes down to which of them is likely to be better received and understood by the readers.

Since B) Requires a higher IQ than A) to understand (due to the inherent increased complexity), the choice of B) would be an elitist move aimed at a smaller number of people, whereas A) would be a generalist approach, designed for the optimal number of people to "get it".

However, it could be argued that in going for B) the "funniness level" would be elevated amongst those who did get it, because clever people like to commend themselves on working out clever things, but on the downside more people would fail to see the joke.

To really settle this, one would need to add up the hypothetical total amount of "laughing" generated by each reader, in relation to each alternative (and to invent a scale to measure such a thing), to multiply these figures by the respective numbers of people who "get it" in each scenario, and to then compare the grand totals of "overall mirth".

In the absence of such ingenious laughing-measurement equipment, I elected to go for option A).

So the answer to your question is that you are simultaneously correct and incorrect, depending on the answer to a question of which we will never know the answer...

Feel free to discuss this vitally important issue in a vast amount of further detail until our withdrawal symptoms are abated at 10am......

3:48 am  
Blogger INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE said...

im on right now and just edited it to correct a typo, so it is now below your post, lol.

Which will make it all the more confusing.

3:49 am  
Anonymous Nate said...

... While I was on the Extended DT Burn Eden TS I heard someone say that Clones used to be controlled by NPC corp standing and not by station. i.e. You'd install a clone at an NPC station and then once you died you could choose which station owned by that NPC corp to apear at... Now because there are Jove corps in connected space 1 Pilot on the TS server had claimed to have been there. He says that everything's there... like stations and gates but you couldn't use the agents and there were no NPCs in space... He also claimed that there were no station services....

-Nate™

6:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I for one don't think that Miz Pretzel is a gold digger. She might not even like mining? Innocent until proven guilty I say. That idea is this awesome thing this archaic war mongering country used to use in its justice system. Estados de Unidas, or something like that. My non Amarrian history is rusty.

But for Nate. Find me a Jovian agent accessible from empire, and you'll make me a very happy girl :)
I'll pay you, or anyone that can find me such an agent.

And I've heard rumors about Jove space too. They say it's empty, no belts, no rats, no regular civilians plying the lanes to make a living. The stations are inhospitable and empty, and the planets dark and foreboding.

Maybe you should try talking to Eris Discordia (the lady that assaulted you with blue text back near the beginning of your quest) about Jove. She may be knowledgable?

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