Monday, November 06, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 083 - Station Master (Part 1)

Station Master (Part 1)

The next time I logged in, I was still in my safespot at SMASH Alliance. I then lovingly podded myself in a truly stylish fashion and spawned back at FDZ4-A, where I purchased another shuttle.

Several days earlier, I had received a covert invitation from Seleene (head of the Mercenary Coalition) to be the guest of honour at a very secret and exclusive event. I was extremely excited by this, because it would enable me to watch something more extraordinary than a man who had no fingers attempting to forcefully give himself a manicure:

I had been invited to help construct a brand new MC outpost

I hurriedly used my jump clone in Ushra Khan space, and then plotted a 60-jump course to my destination: an event that I was even more excited about than the capital ships parade I had been given at ASCN.

I suddenly received a mystery evemail from an apologetic shuttle vendor:

I had always suspected that these merciless 0.0 traders had been ripping off poor young adventurers, and now I had cast-iron proof of their extortionate transportational treachery.

How dare they!

I began my flight from Unity Station towards Stain, with the intention of then using my instas for the rest of my journey to the edge of MC space.

However, several jumps later, I entered a system where there appeared to be a large number of terrifyingly ravenous pilots, whom upon having their bios inspected by me, started giving off ominously silent signals of hostility.

I had run straight into the ebil and dastardly minions of a group that were more hated and despised by carebears than a genuinely nice man with a normal-sounding name like Arthur McFredric, who hated crime and had misguidedly changed his name to "Hate Crime", only to find that the meaning was completely lost on everyone he met.

I quickly turned around and jumped back into the previous system, where by an astonishing co-incidence, I met a pilot called Arthur McFredric who also happened to hate crime...

Arthur was a member of CVA, who despite ruthlessly and menacingly keeping slaves to do their every bidding, were friendly to me and had been kind and helpful to me in the past.

Arthur then provided a solution to my problem:

After we had ganged and he had ejected the instas in our safespot, I returned to the system next door and quickly used them to fly through the next few jumps towards my final destination.

Luckily there had not been warp bubbles on any of the gates.

I finally reached a system in Stain that contained an NPC station with a medical bay. I got as close as 7km from it, when two emotionally deficient military rejects who went by the names of "Qrusher" and "Horza", decided to attempt to horrifically kill me:

Clearly these brain-dead morose nose-picking dumb-witted bullies, who sit at home at the weekends playing with themselves in front of the classic film The Sound Of Music, and who are ardent collectors of a 52-part weekly publication entitled "The Smells of Britney Spears", have nothing better to do than to incompetently train their pathetically mismatched artillery at hapless young adventurers.

As I bravely flew away to somewhere random, I laughed raucously at the fact that not a single one of their wimpish shots had so much as grazed me.

My n00bish shuttles had been shot at so much during my adventure, that I was beginning to seriously wonder if I should just dispense with them altogether and use an entirely different method of flight instead:

With 35 jumps to go, and still not having moved my clone from Unity, I began to doubt if I would ever make it in time for my guest appearance at the Mining Coalition...

(to be continued...)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Mining Coalition"?

So THAT's what Mercenary Coalition is doing when they don't have contracts....!!! I'm enlightened now.

10:30 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yay, no gratuitous use of metaphors and similies in this post.

11:37 pm  


Cherish it while it lasts, they have a habit of, like a man who had travelled 100 miles on the wrong train, returning.....

2:43 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to take a picture with you.
(the fact that I might later try to use it as blackmail saying you work with Sansha is beside the point). When do you think you'll be returning to the good ole south west?

7:30 am  
Anonymous Mirasta said...

"The smells or Britany Spears"...

Oh i loled

Did you ever get to see the black hole in Konora?

8:37 am  

Letheeth, Best way to do it is to contact me in-game when we are both online.

Mirasta, I put the black hole thing on hold in order to go and explore the north-east instead.

6:05 pm  
Anonymous Sonic Slayer said...

Heh, can't wait for the next installment of your adventures, till then, my bed calls to me...

*shouldn't they call it a code verification as I'm pretty sure ponwphi is not a word, then again I'm half asleep atm... meh.

4:25 am  
Anonymous Nate said...

Cap ships are the way to travle!

7:27 am  
Anonymous EVE BOT said...

check out the new version of this mining program from the site :

7:28 am  

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