Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 091 - Total Annihilation

Total Annihilation

There are many possible ultimate questions, and I took a moment to ponder over some of the more worthy candidates:

What is the meaning of life?

How did the universe begin?

What is 6 x 7?

What's the opposite of "inbetween opposite and like"?

Why is it usually he who smelt it who dealt it?

In the end, I opted for this ultimate question:

Well to say I was flabberghasted would be playing the situation down more than a pianist descending through two octaves of C-Minor in a subterranean concert hall.

The Robert Alliance had no qualms about publically flaunting the fact that their goal was nothing less than the total and utter annihilation of every other alliance on the map!

I could barely bring myself to steady my shaking pod upon hearing this foul news.

To me this was absolutely incredible. This boisterous family had publically declared their intention to own everything, thereby causing a flood of carebear refugees to partake of a grand exodus to the loving arms of empire space, with nothing more than a few Miner II lasers and some shimmering minerals to sustain them.

Why didn't the other alliances unite to eliminate this threat?

It would appear that the Band Of Brothers are an unstoppable force, set to win the map by conquest. I had only heard of Celestial Apocalypse standing up against them thus far. Perhaps there were others, although news of this had not yet reached me.

ASCN (who outnumber BoB greatly) had been suffering defeats in the early stages of the war with BoB, which was a fact that some commentators had put down to them needing time to adjust from being an industrial alliance to a fearsome fighting force. If the biggest alliance in EVE could not yet defeat BoB, then who could?

Like a man chopping onions whilst staring goggle-eyed at a country full of polygamists, I cried extensively over this state of affairs.

I munched on some chocolate munchkins and I smilingly recalled a time far back into the pages of history, where in a past life I had jumped to the defence of humanity, and had solved a similar dilemma, far off in the western spiral arm of a little known galaxy:


I immediately grabbed a pair of clippers and I cut some very sharp and piercing spikes into my toenails, in case I would ever find myself trapped in Robert's dungeons, and in need of a sharp object to sneakily pick the lock on my cell.

I enquired further about the war:

I had previously discovered that SirMolle was an anagram of "I SELL MOR", which had led me to suspect that the leader of BoB was a closet industrialist, and it would appear that Blacklight's shocking new revelation that BoB do indeed engage in industrial activities heavily supported my conclusion...

I started to relax just a tad, and I opened one of my few remaining pampering kits that ASCN had given me on my first visit to the love shack.

After then applying a strawberry leg-waxing strip to my right thigh, and sipping on an instant Moccacino with aniseed bursts, I decided to ask these people if their reputation of being crazed and deranged killers was in any way reflective of the truth:

It had been a very interesting meeting, and although I felt sad for the carebears who ultimately would find themselves brutally extinguished under the iron boots of the ever-encroaching BoB war machine, I had to admire their total honesty in publically stating their goals, and their utter determination in following through with them.

As I fired up the engines in my shuttle and left the system, I stubbed my toe on the metallic base of my control panel, and due to my designer toe-nail spikes piercing it, I ended up electrocuting myself...

(to be continued...)


Anonymous Saitek Evo said...

you really have to be carefull with those toenail spikes O.o

4:38 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what would happen if BoB ans Ascn had a drawn out campaign with no victor and finaly decided to unite forces to counter red and goon. could ultimatly control a lage swath of space


4:39 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BoB and ASCN --> EVE pwnage

BoB has the ships, weapons, ammunition and fighters while ASCN has all it needs to support BoB with everything an alliance can be supported 8)

4:51 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i dont think a BoB and ASCN 'alliance' would ever happen... but then i got to thinking what if IN said about them being each others alts... what if this is just part of the plan? Then they do team up and take over EVE!

Oh noes!

5:33 pm  

If it were true, it would be utterly brilliant, and I think the whole of EVE would be astounded.

5:39 pm  
Anonymous GNW Vet said...

Actually BoB and ASCN did unite for a common goal already once. It was the EC-P8R incident....
NOTHING could be done and it changed everything, I still have nightmares (shivers)

Also Inno, nice picture on the clipping. However a lance corporal is a marine and has far less stripes than you. You are wearing an Army uniform of a command sergeant major. Much higher rank and only one step from the highest non commissioned officer (NCO) rank, which is Command Sergeant Major of the Army. There is only one of these however, and rare.

8:18 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Details :P You don't see many people hanggliding around in deep space like in his former picture either, but both were still funny! ^^

9:26 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would be astounded if they'd team up eventually. Oooh, conspiracy theories... :)

Then again, any alliance will fail in controlling all of 0.0. Any random person can dance around Jita naked claiming he wants to control all of 0.0 space and that value of the message will be just about equal to BoB's openly stated goal. In fact, it might actually have more value, since there's dancing and nudity involved. It's nothing but propaganda, people fall for it too. Intriguing.

Anyway, Blacklight's already got lines in two episodes, it's starting to look too much like the EVE-O forums. :P


11:52 pm  

CYVOK had lines in 2 episodes too. "Titanic (Part 1)" and "Titanic (Part 2)".

I wonder who has had the most lines, apart from myself. Brunswick2 from ASCN had a starring role in 2 episodes and a bit-part in one, maybe it's him.

Nooo actually, it has to be backdoor bandit. He was the lead role in three episodes. Typical queen, hogging the limelight...

12:48 am  
Anonymous Ket Halpak said...

There is something for you to campaign for inno, a bob and ascn allaiance for total domination of the map. If you could pull that off, well... lets just say it would be a mirical.

The problem with one alliance controlling the entire map would be someting like the roman empire controlling most of the known world before the dark ages, BoB would just not have the man power to controll the entire map, so they would have to get cartakers in like ANZAC for paragon soul. This can be likened to the romans conscritping non-romans, although we are going willingly, eventually there would be an independant revolt and bob would no longer controll the entire map.

It is nice to have a goal to aim for though

12:57 am  
Blogger Peter Scheyer said...

State of affairs... lolz

1:55 am  
Anonymous Miss Cayl said...

Romans . . . Dark Age . . . BoB.
I like it. I no longer hate BoB, because they are bound to fail eventually, and when they do, I'll be ready to tap dance upon their graves with my Strip Miner 2's (I might actually have Strip 2's by then).
Also, Gnw Vet, didn't you read clearly, he was a lance corprol Shuttle Diplomat. That is CLEARLY a different branch of service entirely from either your "marines" or your "NCO's."
Where do you come up with these funny notions, anyways? No empire army has their armies organized thus.

I respect my Devil Dog Brethren, that doesn't stop me from insulting them and making jokes at their expense. They do the same to us.

8:56 am  

I have just deleted two viciously derogatory negative comments regarding the spelling and/or grammar of others.

Comments such as those serve no constructive purpose and will suffer the swinging blow of my until-now unused literary nerf-bat of doom...

3:38 pm  
Anonymous gnw vet said...

I wasn’t nitpicking, I just wanted Inno to get all the pay and privilege of his rank 
/me salutes Innominate Nightmare

Oh and control of all of 0.0 is not undoable, its already occurred on the Chinese servers.

Comments on the spelling and gramer of others is not cool guys, not everyone’s first language is English. We are all here to enjoy Inno’s adventures and writing.

4:35 pm  
Anonymous Wylker said...

The reason it has happened on the Chinese servers is because they have legions of macro-pvpers :)

1:08 am  
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8:24 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Inno must of cut the life support to his ship or something :(

6:19 pm  

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