The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 037 - Rubber Ball Come Bouncing Back To Me
I began my long journey northwards from the bottom of the universe and slowly began to head towards the fabulous area called Stain. I wondered why the region was so named and considered that perhaps it was a reference to the many fallen heroes whose blood now stained the glorious battlefields.
Was I heading to an almighty warzone, to once again experience the joys of being podded? Or was I going to lazily relax, sipping margheritas and watching the fantastic sunsets in the distance?
I had previously spoken with a pilot called Origim, who had contacted me near to the beginning of my adventure, when I was living in the land of Emilio.
He had evemailed me a 5-page olympian story on why I was the "chosen one" and how I was destined to visit many landmarks in EVE in order to activate some kind of intergalactic summoning device that brought forth many great entities.
Naturally I was extremely perplexed, bamboozled, bufuddled and somewhat flummoxed by this unusual revelation. However, I was not deterred from investigating further because I am very regularly contacted by many complete nut-jobs and fruit-cakes who like saying extremely bizarre things to me, and amazingly I have actually learned a great deal from many of the wackos whom I have had the pleasure of speaking with...
Upon further questioning I then concluded that Origim and his friends were in fact not the cast of "One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest" but were actually seasoned "role-players" (although he denied this for the most part.)
It would seem that within the EVE universe there existed commnunities of pilots who regularly created stories and scenarios for themselves to take part in, purely for the fun and enjoyment of the occasion.
It was then that he contacted me once more and began to reveal one of the great secrets of EVE:
This was an astonishing revelation. A method had been discovered that enabled a pilot to travel faster than the combined speeds of Speedy Gonzales, The Road Runner and a particle of light put together.
The fact that the above statement violates the laws of Physics is entirely irrelevant and any urges to check this allegation out with "New Scientist" should be forcefully ignored until further notice.
The system in question was conveniently along the route I was headed down anyway, so I decided to join Origim and his friend Noreen, for some late-night bouncing around inside a planet. I was impressed that Noreen did her bouncing in style.
Whereas I did mine in a Condor, she did hers in a capital ship:
A moment later I was gang-warped to the sun and was told that we were about to imminently cause Sir Isaac Newton to turn in his grave. The building excitement was unbearable and I quickly aligned my little condor and tilted the camera to grab a truly spectacular picture:
We suddenly accelerated and warped inside the planet, and at that moment I felt like I was simultaneously nowhere and everywhere. I could see a billion dazzling copies of myself, merging and splitting into the nothingness of the ether.
My control panel registered my speed:
I suddenly broke free of the planet and abruptly shrunk back into my body. After Noreen informed me that this technique was regularly used to perform "Fly By Shootings" I thanked her for the dazzling display of lunacy that I had just been part of.
It was then that I was offered a job in a system at the very edge of ASCN space (the third job I had done out here), adjacent to the Stain region I was heading to and I was very glad that I accepted because I subsequently discovered something alarmingly astonishing.
(to be continued...)