Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 039 - Hostage Crisis (Part 1)

Hostage Crisis (Part 1)

I had just finished planning Missy's fiendish downfall with the woman I had begun an illicit affair with, and as I was flying further into the deep dark recesses of Stain I was shockingly and ruthlessly shot at by a dark assailant who went by the name of "Popiejopie":

It would seem that my luxurious pampering at the hands of ASCN was well and truly not going to be repeated in Stain. A vicious assault was launched on me and I desperately watched in a manner that showed I was more helpless than a man who was suffering from an intense medical condition that caused him to resolutely refuse all help.

I decided to use my usual weapon for such situations, which was to unexpectedly attempt to say something very surprising.

I had previously learned that saying "Wow, this is cool" was the magic phrase that caused 50 valiant soldiers to instantly stop firing. However, I decided that a one-on-one confrontation required a different phrase entirely.

After a few seconds of deliberation on what the magic words could be, I decided to combine three classic tricks of psychology:

The first mental trick was to laugh in order to indicate to my assailant that I was friendly, and to build familiarity and trust with him.

The second was to show him that I was helpless and defenceless and entirely at his mercy, conveniently giving him the opportunity to release me in a wondrous act of benevolence that would make him feel good about himself.

The third was to employ reverse-psychology by offering him the opportunity to ransom me, which would immediately show him I was poor and not worth ransoming.

This was the result:

There was huge satisfaction in defeating an opponent without firing a single gun and I sat down and joyously opened a can of Quafe to celebrate having avoided yet another nasty and merciless podding.

Little did Popiejopie know that I was about to bump off my girlfriend and inherit a vast fortune of the likes never before seen in EVE. He had missed the chance to ransom me for zillions.

I laughed and took a moment to study my map:

There were many stations to dock at in Stain, and it would appear that they were virtually all NPC citadels, which meant that I would be able to freely dock in a dazzling manner anywhere around here. It was then that I looked at Popiejopies bio and discovered that he was none other than an evil minion of Emilio Estevez:

What on earth were D2 doing in Stain? I had previously seem them in random raiding parties deep into ASCN space and wondered why their forces were currently hanging around this far to the south. Over the next hour or so I witnessed more and more D2 pilots and began to wonder if they were amassing a large force in order to attack ASCN...

Some time later, I logged back in and found yet more D2 pilots at the station. This time they were viciously and brutally attacking a pilot called "Protecter" and were showing him no mercy:

Protecter had been bitterly and swiftly destroyed and I decided to ask Emilio's minions what exactly it was that they were doing down here.

I was informed that they were fighting "The Genesis Fleet".

This was indeed news to me because I had never heard of them before and was unaware that Emilio was actively attacking these creators. It was then that I was harrowingly informed by a D2 henchman that, should I undock, I would be immediately shot at and destroyed.

There I sat, at a random station in Stain, being held hostage by Emilio's lackies, and wondering how on earth I would solve this enigmatic conundrum...

(to be continued...)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can they do this to you!
Well Press on brave brave brave Sir IM.

10:26 pm  
Anonymous Major Stormer said...

Wtf are D2 doing in stain...?

Oh well, im not gonna moan. More of them over there the less there are to bother me...not that thay have yet..hmm...invasion....ahhh..haha...

oh, and just log off :) or grab a fast ship and warp out before they can lock you.

12:11 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not like you can get much faster than a shuttle major stormer...


1:50 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Long time reader man been with ya from the beginning lol. Absolutly amazing stuff ya got going here i have actually laughed and stuff at this your an excellent writer. Althou your current situation is kinda crappy lol but knowing you, ya will find and interesting way to get out of it lol. The "Magic words" maybe LMAO. Have a good one and keep the writing coming!!!

3:21 am  

Thank you, anonymous. Nice to hear you've been with me as an observer of my adventures and brutal poddings, since the very beginning.

4:12 am  
Anonymous Galimiy Portret said...

Hmm... What's that thing, "Pool of Radiance", on the map?

12:14 pm  

Galimiy, I think it's just the name of a region, unless there is actually some kind of object there.

4:50 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FYI: PopieJopie used to be a character in a Dutch comical tv series about the Pope Johannes visiting the Netherlands. Translated " popular Johannes", Popiejopie also became a cynical expression for someone acting too popular, but really wasn't..

8:18 am  

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