Friday, September 08, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 040 - Hostage Crisis (Part 2)

Hostage Crisis (Part 2)

I looked around and wondered how myself and my fellow hostage "Protecter" were going to get out of this tricky situation.

We were trapped in the station and Emilio's evil minions were prowling around outside, like brooding captors out of a terrifying classic hostage movie. No ideas were forthcoming about how to solve this, and Bruce Willis had not yet shown up, so I decided to ask my fellow hostage for his advice on the matter:

I would resolutely not be bullied by these scoundrels!

I had dealt with a large number of these quacks in the North and had even received an armed escort from one of their commanders "Lou Cypher", yet here they were, shamelessly holding on to me, tighter than a man with a birthmark in the shape of a tight triple-knot that had been tightened by a tight tightening device, condensed into a tight space, mixed with a discarded pair of tights, sent to the same DNA-reconfiguration lab as Strongy Strong, and finally reassembled into a man who was christened with the name "Tighty Tight"...

I swore that my resolve would not break under this pressure and decided that I would valiantly undock to see what happened. This turned out to be about as good an idea as swimming naked through a pool of mating hedgehogs, because I found myself instantly being webbered, warp scrambled and being ravagingly impaled to death by all manner of nefarious torture devices...

I quickly re-docked and grabbed my breath.

The fact that my clone was now here didn't seem to bother these boisterous vagabonds and they were clearly taking great pleasure in stalking me. I decided that the only way to resolve this situation was to issue a cunning challenge.

I informed them that I was going to randomly undock again at some point in the next 120 seconds, would warp away and then would warp back and attempt to re-dock and would leave it up to them to see if they could/would kill me. I figured that if I was going to be podded once more anyway then why not do it on my own terms?

Surprisingly, they agreed to this.

As I successfully flew away, I laughed at their utter stupidity. However, I then realised that I didn't actually have any plans to run away in the first place. I had moved my clone to this station because I wanted to base myself here for a while.

Having now come to this realisation, I decided that I may as well keep my end of the bargain after all, and I promptly flew back to find out if they would shoot quicker than Ron Jeremy on acid...

This was the result:

Well, I put up a brave face about the whole affair but inside I was absolutely livid with these thick brutes.

Clearly they had nothing better to do than to randomly attack innocent adventurers and I found myself suddenly wanting to go back to ASCN space to ease away the pain with a quick massage, mud bath, leg wax and some Dom Perignon 1964...

The resentment was building up inside of me and it quickly reached a fever pitch. A few seconds later, in what I can only describe as a massive tirade of abuse, I finally let them know exactly what I thought of them and how I was going to deal with it:

Once I had respawned at the station and bought my new clone, my thoughts turned to my dilemma with Frivolous and Missy. I suspected that Frivolous would not be able to pull off the assassination, and I began to worry that the vast assets I was due to inherit were slowly slipping from my fingers.

It was then that I came up with an ingenious six-point plan, designed to bring about Missy's horrific termination...

(to be continued...)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So how exactly did you plan to earn a profit from Missy's demise?

2:39 pm  
Blogger Daz said...

I think you should of gone to the ascn channel and asked for an armed guard to come and rescue you :)

and dont kill the one with the large assits! the other one is far less worthy

7:24 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erm.. may have been pointed out, but if missy reads this, wont she know what your planning?

9:41 pm  

I never worry about small and irrelevant details like that.....

10:27 pm  

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