Monday, September 11, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 043 - The Longest Journey (Part 2)

The Longest Journey (Part 2)

The thrilling carrier fight was eventually hailed as a glorious draw, due to the fact that neither ship could break the other's "tank".

As they warped back to the station I observed that the fighter drones were still with me in the asteroid belt, but were no longer attacking. I was staring at a billion isk worth of equipment and all I needed to do was to scoop them up and flee to the nearest gate, to retire in a life of magnificent luxury and decadence...

However, being merely a man in a shuttle on a wild adventure, I did not have the need, nor the desire to commit a shocking act of theft just yet, not even for a billion isk, and especially not from a group of commando miners, (one of whom is called War Bear and wears a muddy thong) so I very quickly decided against the whole idea.

*The fact that my shuttle could only hold 10 m3 of cargo had absolutely no bearing on this decision whatsoever...

After we had returned and docked I continued in my conversation with Neurotic Cat and the topic moved on to the very early days of EVE. He had been around since close to when the game had launched and I was extremely interested to hear his opinions on how things had evolved over the past three years:

It was not known who had created the first ever man-made station and I resolved that I would make an effort to find out the name of this noble forefather who had erected the very first base.

Surely the name of such a brilliant erector should be forevermore emblazoned in the minds of every EVE pilot, in a manner not entirely dissimilar to the emblazonment of the image of Monica Lewinsky kneeling in the oval office before an entirely different type of erector.

After expelling these horrific images of presidential fellatio from my brain, my thoughts turned once more to Missy and I decided that now was the time to try to achieve point #6 on my list:

This was more disastrous than attempting to play the piano with your toes, without being in the presence of a piano, and after having just had extensive toe-removal surgery.

It was that disastrous.....

In fact it was so disastrous that if an attempt was made to measure this shocking disaster, a whole new scale of disaster-measurement would need to be created. If these valiant freedom fighters wouldn't help me then who could?

I looked at my map out of utter desperation:

Suddenly, a beam of light came shining down from the end of a very long and foreboding tunnel, in a magnificent display of joy, as it was revealed to me that there existed an organisation who just might be willing to carry out my dastardly plan:

I made a note of the name of this group in my journal and began to wonder if I would ever claim the humungous fortune that tantalisingly awaited me. I decided to give my co-ersion attempt one more try and considered that if I could get these mercenaries talking some more about their work, then I may just be able to persuade them to accept my proposed contract.

I further enquired about the mechanics of professional extinguishment:

It would seem that high-security space was not entirely secure. There were methods of circumnavigating the rules and horifically attacking people.

It further transpired that the majority of Mercenary Coaltion contracts actually took place in high-security empire space and that the objective was normally to disrupt the day to day operations of the alliance that they were hired to assault.

The events of my longest of days then continued to build towards their ultimate conclusion...

(to be continued...)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

From eve online's archive: August 2005
In the system 5P-AIP it can be found, the privately owned outpost of Ascendant Frontier.

1:38 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the blog keep it up!!!!!11

4:19 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A request can u get an map of eve and make an line of where u have been....just to show your readers where u have been

8:09 am  
Blogger Ben said...

What a great blog! I just heard about your ongoing adventure via Eve-Tribune. I'll be listening.

IG- Extravius

3:44 pm  
Anonymous Missy said...

How could you do this to me you pig!

5:46 pm  
Anonymous dsi1 said...

Oh no missy has found out!!!

2:21 am  
Anonymous Frivolous said...

Has me worried about that as well missy. He very well may do the same thing to me, when a younger more attractive pod comes along. He hasn’t even taken me any ware or done anything with me yet :(

But I have a surprise for him anyhow :P

3:56 am  


5:51 am  
Blogger Hoozin said...

Now I want to become a president of something just so the words "Presidential Fellatio" can leave my lips.

Hmmmmm... Not sure that came out right.

7:17 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The MC war against my former alliance (The Big Blue) was during my two weel trial. I will personally attest to thier brutal and underhanded tactics during war. But they are also the reason I activated my account, I may even pursue a career with them someday.

2:09 am  

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