The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 011 - Holy Mafia
The ore I was staring at was a poor man's Mercoxit and General Gunel and I both knew it. It was only our mutual embarrassment that kept us from admitting the fact.
However, the General then tantalisingly infomed me that apparently this "Faux Mercoxit" could be refined into large quantities of the very valuable mineral Zydrine, which could then be sold for a fortune.
Perhaps there was a shimmering pot of gold at the end of this rainbow after all. It would appear that another path to riches had willingly opened itself to me and I intended to use this information to my advantage.
At this point I noticed that my Evemail button was flashing and I curiously opened it to see who had contacted me. I was overcome by a strange and ominous feeling of impending danger. Who could it be?
I opened my mail and almost fell to the floor in shock. I had apparently been contacted by what seemed to be his royal holiness himself. One of the head honchos of the Christians had personally sent me an evemail, curiously entitled "Aloha Traveller".
Perhaps he was on a sacred religious retreat to Hawaii IV - Moon IX - Shamefully Bright Beach Shirt Assembly Plant
This is what it said:
Well, when I read this, I heard "small gift" in the same way that a junior member of the mafia hears "small gift" while at the same time being told to go and decapitate someone. This was certainly no small gift.
Pope Maltrox had outrageously deposited a bribe of ten million isk into my account. Clearly this was a futile attempt to force my hand.
I knew that true Christians would never use church funds for bribery purposes and it was abundantly obvious to me that he was passing me a brown paper envelope stuffed with wads of cash to stop me exposing his subversive religious organisation. I therefore decided that swift and prompt action was required.
I saw two alternatives open to me:
1) Send this blood money back to the fundamentalist zealots from whom it came.
2) Keep it and use it to buy a small munitions dump, to use against these ravaging bible-thumpers.
I considered these options for some time but didn't really like either. I wasn't quite ready to start an almighty holy war. It was then that I hit upon a third intriguing option:
3) Put the funds aside and vow to use this tainted money in a spontaneous charitable act at some point in future.
I liked it. It meant that the money would go to good causes and would help benefit others. Perhaps they would be players like me, who had also been warmed by kind acts.
It was settled: At some point in the near future, a random n00b in need would receive a crinkled brown paper envelope, stuffed with lashings of moolah. I was pleased with this decision.
So I decided that a strategically "firm but fair" reply was in order and I fired off an evemail to his "holiness":
Having done this, I now called up the market and began to scour the local bazaars for a worthy vessel to set sail in. I had trained Caldari Frigate up to Level 3 and was now able to fly any ship in that class.
It was time to get out of this cramped but cosy shuttle and to begin my ascent to the stars.
(to be continued........)