Monday, July 31, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 011 - Holy Mafia


The ore I was staring at was a poor man's Mercoxit and General Gunel and I both knew it. It was only our mutual embarrassment that kept us from admitting the fact.

However, the General then tantalisingly infomed me that apparently this "Faux Mercoxit" could be refined into large quantities of the very valuable mineral Zydrine, which could then be sold for a fortune.

Perhaps there was a shimmering pot of gold at the end of this rainbow after all. It would appear that another path to riches had willingly opened itself to me and I intended to use this information to my advantage.

At this point I noticed that my Evemail button was flashing and I curiously opened it to see who had contacted me. I was overcome by a strange and ominous feeling of impending danger. Who could it be?

I opened my mail and almost fell to the floor in shock. I had apparently been contacted by what seemed to be his royal holiness himself. One of the head honchos of the Christians had personally sent me an evemail, curiously entitled "Aloha Traveller".

Perhaps he was on a sacred religious retreat to Hawaii IV - Moon IX - Shamefully Bright Beach Shirt Assembly Plant

This is what it said:

Well, when I read this, I heard "small gift" in the same way that a junior member of the mafia hears "small gift" while at the same time being told to go and decapitate someone. This was certainly no small gift.

Pope Maltrox had outrageously deposited a bribe of ten million isk into my account. Clearly this was a futile attempt to force my hand.

I knew that true Christians would never use church funds for bribery purposes and it was abundantly obvious to me that he was passing me a brown paper envelope stuffed with wads of cash to stop me exposing his subversive religious organisation. I therefore decided that swift and prompt action was required.

I saw two alternatives open to me:

1) Send this blood money back to the fundamentalist zealots from whom it came.

2) Keep it and use it to buy a small munitions dump, to use against these ravaging bible-thumpers.

I considered these options for some time but didn't really like either. I wasn't quite ready to start an almighty holy war. It was then that I hit upon a third intriguing option:

3) Put the funds aside and vow to use this tainted money in a spontaneous charitable act at some point in future.

I liked it. It meant that the money would go to good causes and would help benefit others. Perhaps they would be players like me, who had also been warmed by kind acts.

It was settled: At some point in the near future, a random n00b in need would receive a crinkled brown paper envelope, stuffed with lashings of moolah. I was pleased with this decision.

So I decided that a strategically "firm but fair" reply was in order and I fired off an evemail to his "holiness":

Having done this, I now called up the market and began to scour the local bazaars for a worthy vessel to set sail in. I had trained Caldari Frigate up to Level 3 and was now able to fly any ship in that class.

It was time to get out of this cramped but cosy shuttle and to begin my ascent to the stars.

(to be continued........)

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 010 - The Shopping Channel


I had decided that today would mark the beginning of the next phase of my thunderously exciting adventure.

However, I was still undecided as to whether this would involve staying in the Venal region, or perhaps daringly casting my fragile net wider and boldly wandering out into the even deeper and darker outback of the forbidding universe.

I concluded that, as a newly initiated 0.0 risk-taker, the best way to approach this was to excitingly just log in and see what happened.

After spawning back at my clone station I had felt like a rare and wondrous Phoenix, majestically flying upwards from the ashes, my wings graciously spread out, radiantly reflecting the sun's rays in a multispectral son-et-lumiere of luminescent magnificence.

A few seconds after my excited awakening in Venal, I began a conversation with two fellow pilots who were talking in Local:


General Gunel

Carbonyte informed me that the area I was docked in was valiantly guarded by the "Synchronizerz", whom he happened to be a member of. Clearly this was a paranoid organisation whose members liked doing everything together.

I had never heard of these people before and naturally I enquired as to their relationship with Mr. Estevez and The Latter Day saints of Jesus Christ. Carbonyte very helpfully suggested that he didn't know of the local Jesuit cult but that I should "read his bio" for more information.

After doing so, lo and behold, I discovered that his people were also "D2 friendly." I let out a large and unrestricted yawn. I quite liked Carbonyte, who was very friendly, but I began to wonder if I would ever randomly pass a pilot who was brave enough to have "I DESPISE D2" written in their bio.

Perhaps, when I become a little bit stronger, I may even dare to do it myself. However, I concluded that this was not a smart course of action at present, as I did not actually hate them.

Hell, I would even go so far as to admit that I found some of Emilio's movies mildly amusing. (Although I can't recall the names of any of them.....)

I think I was just peeved at not being able to breach the moat to their heavily fortified headquarters.

Perhaps it was a case of n00b sour grapes on my part. I had previously resolved that one day I would enter that mighty sanctuary and I re-affirmed this intention to myself right there and then.

I slowly closed my eyes and imagined a glimmering night in the far future, where a war-hardened ex-n00b would heroically return with large and gaping scars across his face and expensive implants in his brain, with tears streaming from his sweat soaked eyes, as thoughts of those painful first days overwhelmed his mind and senses.

A team of dedicated disciples would loyally be at his muscle-bound side, rushing swiftly, but gracefully and nobly, toward that ancient Emerald City.

He would stake his worthy claim upon those oh so fabled fields of the illustrious ore Mercoxit, that had been so close, yet so very far from his young and tender fingers, all those long and memorable years ago. He would fall to the floor of his Battleship in exhaustion, as he laid the final crushing blow and valiantly claimed eternal victory.

However, what actually happened was that I began to engage in a thrilling discussion about the mineral composition of asteroids with General Gunel. He informed me that not being able to mine Mercoxit was only a minor setback, and that a n00b like me would be able to mine the almost equally fabled ore Crokite without much difficulty.

I couldn't help but think that it was 3AM on a Sunday and that I was looking at item number 217305 "Minmatar Faux Mercoxit Hoop Bangles" on QVC. It was cheap, it was tacky and it was not the real thing.....

(to be continued.....)

Friday, July 28, 2006

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 009 - Christian Fundamentalists


My plan had failed miserably. Not only had I not made any progress in my 16 jumps home, but I had actually wasted time, attempting to get these carebear henchmen to dispatch me with vim and gusto.

I had no alternative now. I had to spill the beans...........

These were not hostile and nasty people at all. They were carebears at heart and they knew it.

As soon as I politely asked for their assistance, they had helped me. Perhaps, ultimately, we were destined to become friends. I sat back and smiled as I was lovingly attacked by two pilots:

"C Squared", who was only half the equation (E equals M should be the first part but it wasn't) and Avagos who had the pleasure of laying the final blow:

Bingo! A few seconds later and I was safely back in my clone station in Venal, celebrating my time-saving shortcut! I opened my evemail and enjoyed reading my own kill-mail:

"Hold on a second." - I said to myself. "Look at the alliance the guy who podded me belongs to. Now compare this with the alliance that the first guy who randomly killed me belonged to, at the beginning of my thrilling adventure:"

My suspicions were confirmed. The "Arrow Project" had killed me twice. I was uncontrollably enraged by this heinous revelation and immediately googled them to find out who they really were:

The Arrow Project, a Christian human services organization, serves and strengthens children,families and communities by providing homes and services.

Typical! I had been the victim of a double-homicide, at the hands of Christian Fundamentalists! Unbelievable. Who were these guys? I had many unanswered questions. None of this made sense to me but I was determined to do what Backdoor Bandit does on most weekends:

I would dig deep and get to the bottom of it.

I may be a n00b, but I will not be scuppered by these rampaging vagabonds!

Now that I was back home, it was time to start the next phase of my intrepid adventure. Where would I go? I excitedly opened my map and began to plan my next clueless move.

Should I stay a while longer or should I valiantly march off in another random direction, in search of greater glory? Perhaps I would leave it to my fellow Eve citizens to advise me.......

(to be continued........)

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 008 - Complex Numbers


Astonishingly, not a single one of these seven heretics expressed even the slightest modicum of alarm at my bold and brash insult. Perhaps these were war-hardened veterans who had spent their childhoods slaving away in the scordite mines of empire space.

Or even worse, perhaps they were afk....

Clearly, this required a stronger plan so I decided to use the most deadly weapon available to a man in a shuttle. I was going to drop the verbal nuclear bomb. I had no other choice but to make a direct derogatory remark that I knew would fill them with hatred towards me.....

I slowly opened my quivering mouth, and uttered the ultimate blasphemy:

As you can see, local erupted in a fit of rage. I was targetted by not one, not two, but an astonishing THREE PILOTS, who were clearly incensed and enraged members of Emilio's inner guard.

I knew that my podding was imminent and I smiled as I awaited the hail of rail-gun fire to strike me down at any second. However, "any second" soon addded an "m" and an "s" and became "many seconds". I began to become slightly suspicious.

My overview looked like this:

As of yet, I had not been fired upon. I also noted the two frozen corpses dangling beside the combat drones, hanging ominously in space, almost as if they had been deliberately placed there as a stark warning.....

I zoomed out to see my ship at a distance. What on earth could be happening?

It would appear that, intriguingly, I had been fired at, but not by a gun. Someone was firing a Stasis Webifier at me. I was being "webbered"....... I quickly looked at my console and saw that my speed had dropped by approximately 85%.

Great, so not only was I not being podded, I was also being held hostage by someone who deemed it necessary to correct my mathematical estimations. Well, I decided that I would counter his smarmy remark with some mathematics of my own. Another webber was fired at me and I grabbed the opportunity:

To my abject horror and disdain at my own sloppiness, I realised that I had made a critical miscalculation. I had not been slowed by 86.25% squared at all. The correct figure was:

0.8625 + ( ( 1-0.8625 ) x 0.8625 )

It was an understandable oversight, given the tense situation at hand.....

However, I was furiously embarrassed and decided to rapidly divert attention from this numerical blunder by rubbing salt into the wounds I had opened, and reminding my docile captors that I had, only moments ago, insulted their boss:

Note that I had ingeniously, and subtly, planted the idea in their minds that my death was "imminent".

Then at last, finally, nothing happened........

Then, (in the words of the immortal Douglas Adams): after a few minutes more, nothing continued to happen.......

It was at this point that I observed the shocking design of the main ship in their fleet:

I couldn't help but notice that this vessel bore a striking resemblance to an erect genital organ....

Could this get any more embararassing? I was being "attacked" by a giant schlong. The thought briefly passed my mind that maybe I had discovered the first prototype MGRL (Minmatar Gay Rights League) "deep space cruiser"...

(to be continued...)

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 007 - The Assault


I logged in and out of my account a few times during the day, to see if I had been ruthlessly podded.

Astonishingly, I had been left completely alone by all who had passed through the system that my ship was in. I was amazed and understandably confused by this outcome.

Had I discovered a great hiding place? Or perhaps a suggestion by a previous poster on these forums was true:

Maybe I was in prime "Care-Bear territory".

Either way, I liked this system and made a note of it as being a very safe place. I safely stored my note for future reference.


I logged in again, after a good sleep, and was stunned to see that, once more, I had not been podded. My ship was perfectly safe in this random system. Amazing.

I decided that it was time to "go home" to my base, and called up my map to plot a course. According to the charts, I was a massive 16 jumps from home sweet home and would have to daringly travel through the D2 Branch-region territory all the way back to my humble abode.

I suspected that having assaulted their heavily guarded castle the previous night and having been chased by one of their lackies, I had probably now caused them to raise the alarm.

I imagined that there would be a multitude of search parties, scouring this quadrant of the galaxy, intent on roasting me on an intergalactic bonfire. I felt like a hunted man.....

I begrudingly said farewell to my new safe-spot:

As I was about to embark on my 16 jump trip home, something abruptly dawned on me. I was reminded of my cat and mouse chase with the evil and heartless Zlake and how I had tried to bluff him by saying:

"OK, you can come out and pod me. I have to go 22 jumps to get back home anyway so you can save me the trip, you'll be helping me out"

What I was enlightened by at that moment was that what I had said was actually true! My clone had cost 1024 isk and I was in a basic shuttle. Why did I need to travel 16 jumps to get home? There was a clear alternative open to me:

I could instantly teleport home if I could just find someone to pod me! I was incredibly pleased with this revelation and immediately set about making my great plan happen.

I hurriedly opened my map and filtered the search feature by "pilots active in space in the last 30 minutes". I was instantly attracted to a location that had a large number of active pilots. The perfect system was K-8SQS. It was then that I decided on what I was going to do to implement my master-plan:

I was to launch an unexpected Kamikaze mission deep into K-8SQS and upon arrival I would "smack-talk" in local until I was brutally podded by an irate resident who would (unbeknownst to him) actually be helping me out.......

A sense of unadulterated excitement swamped me and I plotted my course to the system, which was just 2 quick jumps away. I was looking forward to venting my frustrations on whoever lived there (especially if they were members of the cult of Emilio).......

Less than two minutes later, I forcefully burst into K-8SQS and viciously charged towards the station in my tiny ship.

There were seven pilots here and all I needed to do was to get just one of them to pod me!

Here's how I announced my arrival:

(to be continued......)

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 006 - 6600 Jumps


In my uncontrollable excitement, I accidentally revealed my discovery in local.

Surprisingly, Lemmy did not seem bothered:

I had learned through reading on the Eve forums that there was a practice called "making a bookmark in deadspace" and I think it may just have saved my life.

I quickly warped to another asteroid field and hit "bookmark location" while I was halfway there. Upon landing, I then warped back to my bookmark. I was safe from the evil Zlake, or so I thought....

"Don't make me get my scanner and come out there and get you" - he threatened in local.

It was clear that these people were convinced that I was an enemy of Emilio Estevez and was there to bring down his comedy franchise empire.

"Why did you run?" - enquired Zlake.

Personally, I thought that the answer to this question was patently obvious but I decided not to fan the flames further and came up with this:

"I was enjoying the conversation in local" - I meekly replied.

I was desperately wondering if Zlake's scanner was homing in closer on me with each passing second. I felt like a cornered animal, glaring into the eyes of the lion that was about to pounce.....

After playing cat and mouse with the gargantuan brute Zlake for a while, something unexpected happened. He decided to announce that he was going to bed and made the following threat in local:

"Well I'm gonna log out, so long as you don't run away or anything" - he shouted forcefully.

I pondered this unusual statement for a while and sure enough he logged out before I could agree to his terms.

"It's just you and me, ignore Sephron" - said Lemmy, reassuringly.

Over the next 20 minutes or so I began to talk to lemmy about life in the outer reaches of the universe and he assured me that I would not be able to dock without selling my soul to an alliance.....

I felt the pressure building on my shoulders, but decided that I would find my own way to besiege this fortress and gain entry. I was determined to find a route in and to get to meet either The Wizard, or Emilio Estevez brandishing a golden ice hockey stick.

Just as I was about to depart, Lemmy very unexpectedly decided to offer me a job:

"I will pay you a million isk if you go get me some armour repairers" - he said.

"I need 100 light and 100 medium armour repair drones and I will pay you 100k up front and 900k on delivery." - he added.

After negotiating the terms of this lucrative offer with the very kind and generous Lemmy, I had calculated that it would take 150 trips of 44 jumps per trip with my 10 m3 of cargo space in my shuttle to fulfil his request.

This meant that I was being offered a million isk for a mere 6600 jumps through 0.0 space. I was excited by this exploitative proposition but decided that I would not commit myself just yet. Again, I thanked Lemmy for his time, lifted my anchor and set a course for nowhere.

As I went through the gate to the next system, a thought flickered into my mind.

Perhaps D2 was a secret and cunning code:

"D" is the 4th letter of the alphabet and if I substitute "D" with "4", "D2" then becomes "42". Fans of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy will instantly recognise this number as it is a prominent and well known part of the storyline in the books. Perhaps I was onto something....

A few jumps later, I created a random spot in deadspace, parked my ship there and decided to log out for at least 24 hours.

I wanted to see how long it would take for someone to randomly find me and pod me. Would I still be in the same place the next day when I logged back in, or would I find myself back in my clone station? Only time would tell....

(to be continued......)

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 005 - The Evil Zlake


I felt like a refugee, desperately trying to breach the borders to the land of milk and honey. I was a thousand miles from home, with nowhere to dock my ship. I was a nomad and was now in a desperate situation.

I felt like Dorothy from the movie The wizard of Oz. I had travelled so far along the yellow brick road that my ship's inertial stabilisers had developed blisters.

I was weary and tired and after gaining brains, heart and courage, had finally reached the Emerald City, only to be turned away at the gates.

I felt like sleeping. Perhaps it was the sweet smell of the Hedbergite asteroid fields that had been poisoned by Harvey and George (or perhaps by Emilio) to stop outsiders gaining entry to the city.

I decided I had no choice but to press on, perhaps to another corner of nowhere. I called up my map and crossed my shaking fingers.

After studying the celestial chart for a while, I noticed a very peculiar feature. A system in the Branch region connected with a far-off system, via an exceedingly long jump:

Perhaps this was the secret tunnel to utopia. A wormhole that led to the land of King Midas, where the streets were paved with gold, and a n00b like me could live forevermore in luxury and wanton abandon. I set sail for the promised land immediately.

Some time later I arrived in the system UEJX-G. I was truly now at the end of the universe. My overview showed a station named after a book by Douglas Adams from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series, entitled "Mostly Harmless".

Being a fan of Douglas Adams, I was hopeful that I was now among friends and I eagerly set my course to the docking perimeter.

To my horror I received the same message I had been given at the previous station. I had once more been denied entry to the Emerald City. At this point, a person called "Lemmy" in local said "lol at alt n00b".

I was quite sure that he was referring to me and so I decided to seize the initiative:

"I can't seem to dock here" - I said into Local.

"You need to be in an alliance. This is D2 territory" - he replied.

(I quietly wondered to myself if I would ever breach the inner sanctum of these mighty ducks. I was a solo pilot who could not gain entry without being in an alliance. How could I solve this perplexing conundrum?)

"Wait there until I get my ship and come out and pod you" - shouted an intimidating player called "Zlake".

I decided that I would bravely make a stand, since running away would probably result in my death anyway.

"OK, you can come out and pod me. I have to go 22 jumps to get back home anyway so you can save me the trip, you'll be helping me out" - I brashly lied into the chat-box.

Within seconds he had called my bluff and I was being shot at and was frantically attempting to make my escape:

I fled like I had never fled before, to a random asteroid field. To my astonishment and utter amazement I realised I had indeed reached the secret gardens of the emerald city.

Everywhere I looked, there were asteroids of the like that I had never laid my eyes on before, in my short n00b life.

I stood amazed, like a 19th century egyptian explorer, standing before the uncovered tomb of Tuthmoses II in the valley of the kings, gold and silver treasure glistening all around me.

It was then that I glimpsed the holy grail and my jaw hit the floor of my shuttle:

My journey had taken me to the far reaches of the galaxy and now I had stood before the fabled ore Mercoxit. Suddenly, I remembered that I was still being hunted by the evil Zlake and my time was running out.....

(to be continued....)

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 004 - Emilio Estevez

I have been greatly encouraged by all the useful words of advice and help from my new friends (and enemies) here. My journey has been very much bolstered by you all. Here's what happened next:


Due to the shocking fact that my basic miner had been mercilessly blown to smithereens earlier in the day, I decided to scour the local Venal market, in search of a replacement.

I discovered that there were two "Miner 1" modules up for sale, a mere 8 jumps away. I made the big decision to stake my claim on these items, as they may come in handy later on in my career. 25k each was 169% above the market average but being this far out in the middle of nowhere, it seemed like a good deal.

Upon leaving my new station in the venal region, I set course for a system far off into the abyss. I was enjoying my adventure so far, and had very much liked my conversation with Jackamo.

Unfortunately, our discussion had fizzled out after he had asked me if I knew what the "Band Of Brothers" was and I had replied: "Yes, I have seen the television series."

The next time I glanced at the chat box, he had left the conversation. Alas.......

Perhaps he had become resigned to the knowledge that I would probably not be joining his merry troupe of "Cursed Killers".

I made sure to set my standing with him to 5.0 (which is kind of like saying: "I like you, but I don't trust you") and I dutifully recorded a note to remind myself of him, should we ever meet again.

I set my destination to a station far off at the outer corner of the "Branch" region and began another heady flight into the unknown. It was late at night (or early in the morning, depending on how you look at it) and the skies were relatively empty.

I felt like an eagle, recently released from captivity, soaring high and far above the brave new world beneath me.

I swooped and climbed and rose higher and higher, gliding ever and ever closer to my target system.

Perhaps I was headed to Nirvana, to Eden, or to a hidden Utopia, kept secret from the world at large, for millennia and millennia, and only divulged to the neophytes who had been granted membership to the secret society that guarded it. Or perhaps I was about to get podded again......

A large number of jumps later, and after having passed a large number of people who had "D2 friendly" written in their bios, I had almost reached my destination and my map looked like this:

A quick search on google revealed that D2 was the title of a 1994 Ice Hockey movie starring Emilio Estevez. I was sure that this information would prove to be invaluable later on.......

A few minutes more and I had reached one of the outer corners of the universe. An astonishing achievement for a n00b, who only a short while earlier had launched himself out of Caldari space with nothing but a million isk, a shuttle and a keen sense of adventure.

I felt like a pioneer, like an explorer standing at the gateway to an unknown land filled with unimaginable riches.

The station was almost within sight and my miniscule shuttle eagerly sped its way to the docking ramp, until this happened:

I was apparently unliked by "Dusk And Dawn". I was not quite sure what I had done to offend them, seeing as we had never met, but nonetheless I had been barred from entering their citadel.

A quick search on google revealed that they were a 1996 vampire movie starring Harvel Keitel and George Clooney. Perhaps this was a 0.0 nosferatu factory. I was sure that this information would prove to be invaluable later on.........

(to be continued.......)

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 003 - Medical Emergency


We began to have a chat about the world of Eve and he informed me that he used to be a pirate. I was not sure whether this was something to be worried about or reassured by.

At this point I jumped into the next system and when I got to the gate to the next system on from there, I saw that the player with the 5.0 standing was there waiting for me.

Clearly with such a high standing, he was no doubt waiting to safely usher me along in my heroic journey.

This was the result:

Destroyed items:

Basic Miner (Cargo)

I had gone a total of around 22 jumps into 0.0 before my first death. He then proceeded to ruthlessly pod me and I respawned at my clone station, making sure to pay 1024 isk for my new clone. (A princely sum indeed).

I continued in my conversation with Jackamo and told him I had just been killed. He recommended a different station, far into 0.0 and so I set my course for that one and after purchasing a new shuttle, began my journey yet again. "If at first you don't succeed, then try and try again." I decided that this would be my new motto.

I did not convo Rathama and did not send hate mail. If I am going to live out here, I should embrace death with a smile, every time it happens..... I just wish he had ransomed my pod for the 1024 isk cost of my clone and the 1500 isk platinum insurance I took out on my shuttle! I wonder if I would have caved in and paid. We will never know.

A few jumps later, Jackamo informed me that he had been "pulled out of warp by a deadspace camp" close to empire space, in 0.0 and had been destroyed by a bunch of ruthless bandits. I did not know such a thing was even possible.

Now I realised I was not even safe while in warp. Eve is a crushing and brutal place........

I flew on, deeper and deeper into the night, a myriad systems whooshing by, with not a single Concord sergeant major to protect me as I propelled myself towards my unknown destiny. Perhaps Jackamo was sending me 20 jumps to my death or perhaps he was just a nice guy, offering a n00b some helpful advice.

Amazingly, 20+ jumps later, I arrived unscathed and promptly docked at the station.

NO MEDICAL FACILITIES! ARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I called up my map and saw that there was a station just 2 jumps away, with a recent ship kill. I had no choice, I had to risk it. I hoped and prayed that it would have a medical bay.

Two eternity-lasting jumps and I was there, propelling myself toward the station, my n00b heart racing uncontrollably. I was not attacked and managed to dock safely.


I paid approximately 5000 isk to transfer my clone, and a big grin spread across my face as I realised I was safely cloned, around 20+ jumps deep into 0.0.

According to the map, I was halfway between empire space and the outer reaches of nowhere. This seemed like a good place to base myself, although Jackamo warned me that this station was "dodgy"...

After a celebratory undocking from the station, followed by a quick redocking, I decided I would push on, even further into the dark beyond......

(to be continued......)

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 002 - I Want You

Thanks to all my fellow citizens for the very kind words of encouragement and especially to those who made vague threats!

Here's what happened between yesterday and today:


Day two heralded the true beginnings of my adventure. I logged in and surveyed the scene in my new 0.0 station. Local was filled with unsavoury looking characters of the highest order.

"Security Status -7.1, Wanted: Bounty 25 million isk", etc etc, was what I was greeted with when reading random peoples' bios in Local. This was a scary place for a n00b, indeed.

My plan was to leave the station in my shuttle and to go further into the deep dark recesses of 0.0, not knowing where my randomly chosen path would take me. So, what did I do? I chickened out and logged out of the game, hoping to do it when local was "less piratey".....

A few hours later and there was still a distinct "Yarring" atmosphere. I gradually bided my time to make my audacious escape and logged in and out every few hours. Could this have been a case of n00b nerves? Or was it prudent and sensible behaviour? I do not know.......


I eventually logged back in at around 5am this morning and discovered that local only had a few other pilots.

Two of these heroic brutes were docked in my station so this seemed like an ideal opportunity to make flight into the dark recesses of 0.0.

I called up my map, and selected "Ships destroyed in the last 1 hour" and studied the local area. There were a few absolute no-go hotspots, where many an unsuspecting pilot had met their grisly end. I was determined not to become one of them.

I also selected "Escape Pods destroyed in the last 1 hour" and compared the two results. It would seem that most people who have their ships destroyed also get podded out here. One system showed 29 ships destroyed with 22 pod-kills.

Nonetheless, not to be deterred, I used waypoints and plotted a complex course around the hotspots, my ultimate destination being 30 jumps away, far into the underworld.

I was pleased to discover a feature of the map that allowed me to remotely locate stations in far off systems. So I chose one, made sure to take my basic miner from my starting ship with me (which I had carried to this station) and off I went.

The first few systems I went through were empty and the thrill of flying through 0.0 space in my shuttle was great. I sailed and soared, with the "vaccuum beneath my wings", unflinching, uncatchable, and forever determined to succeed out here. I could not be stopped.

18 jumps later, having passed through a few systems where evil ones lurked and where, much to my surprise, the gates were camped not by players, but by NPCs (Guristas Battleships), I entered a system where there were two other human players.

I quickly looked at their bios and saw that one had a +5.0 security rating and one had a slight negative rating. A chat request box appeared on my screen from the guy with the negative rating........

Should I answer? Or should I ignore him? Would he make me walk the proverbial plank? I decided to be a brave n00b and to answer the call, despite the fact that he was a member of the "Cursed Killers"....

After saying "Hi", he informed me that he had read my bio and that he "wanted me". This led me to three possible conclusions:

1) He wanted me to join his corp.....

2) He wanted my body....

3) He wanted my dead body.....

Figuring that a random homosexual invitation was unlikely, this deep into 0.0 space (although I have seen posts on the Eve Online forums by a member of the "Minmatar Gay Rights League" so anything is possible), I eliminated option #2 and pondered the other two for a while.

"I want you to join my corp" - he added, thus enabling me to deduce that either:

A) He wanted me to join his corp.

B) This was a ruse and what he really wanted was my dead body.

(to be continued.....)

The Eve Online 0.0 Experiment - Post 001 - Beginnings

Salutations and greetings, my fellow Eve friends.

I have been playing on my main character for a month now, and have been spending my time mining Kernite in 0.7 space (a thrilling and high octane activity indeed) and by trading by filling NPC orders on the market. (even more heart-stoppingly exciting!)

So I decided it was time to try something different, as a wild and crazy experiment:

The Experiment

To create a brand new character (INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE), fund him with a starting balance of 1 million isk and send him immediately to a random place deep in 0.0 space. Once he gets into 0.0 and sets a clone there he is NOT ALLOWED to go into any system higher than 0.4 security, ever again. My other character has never been lower than a brief trip into 0.2 to check out an asteroid field, so this is a completely new experience for me.

The objective of this experiment is quite simply to throw him in at the deep end and see how well he survives and to regale and entertain with tales of his outlandish adventures along the way......

I will be posting here regularly with heart-stoppingly and blisteringly exciting updates. Feel free to offer any help and advice (which may or may not entail referring me to a psychiatrist) as I'm sure there are lots of players out there who have not yet ventured into 0.0 and would like to learn more about what it's like.


The very first thing I needed to do was to create my character. I decided that since I'm going to be living out in the wilderness, he will need to have a somewhat "rugged" appearance, but not so rugged that he strikes fear into the hearts of all who pass and causes them to wet themselves in abject trepidation.

So I went for a slightly camp looking ex-military clean-cut styled piratey type look. I made sure his facial features were not in the proportion 1.618033 to each other, as this would make his visage conform to the "golden ratio" and make him too stunningly beautiful......

I wanted to look brutish, and this is what I came up with:

As you can see, he has a certain "I rob banks but I'm a nice guy" type of hidden beauty, and would probably be likely to attract the sort of woman who enjoys writing to random murderers in prison. I was tentatively pleased with my creation.

My next job was to create a shocking (but stylish) bio and this is what it says:

"The 0.0 Experiment

I am a total n00b, who was born on July 23rd
2006, bought a shuttle and set course for a random
destination in 0.0

I have no money, no skills, no ship and no

The experiment is to see if I can make a living in
the deepest, darkest quadrants of the galaxy without
knowing what the hell I'm doing........

Wish me luck........."

I figured this would be a good way to attract attention, as i guessed that being a n00b in 0.0 would probably require a headline grabbing bio in order to get me anywhere.

So, with all this now done, my character was created and I promptly landed in some random n00b station in caldari space. I quickly purchased a shuttle and called up the map and after 10 seconds or so had decided on my destination: "SOMEWHERE OVER THERE!" The fact that I had no skill books worried me but I guess that's all part of the fun and adventure.

I left my n00b station and flew off into the wilderness, never to return, and some time later I found a station in 0.0, three jumps from a 0.4 system far on the edge of caldari space. I quickly docked and set my clone to the new station. I suspected that I was very lucky to have made it into 0.0 because according to the map most 0.0 entry points had lots of destroyed ships and pod kills recently. Nonetheless, my first objective was achieved successfully! I took a moment to celebrate my progress.

Here's where I landed:

(to be continued.......)